A Memo from the devil

The following is a memo from satan to his apprentice demons on earth.

(** Caveat emptor – The devil is a liar, and mixes truth with lies to confuse humans,

so not EVERYTHING he says is to be taken as true….)

Screwtape‘s Strategies and Pornography

Devil‘s letter about Dads

My Dear Wormwood:

For your careful review, I have outlined below our strategies for destroying faith and family life. Destroy this secret message immediately after reading it. This classified material comes from the lowest regions.

The chief way we attack the family is by neutralizing the protector. Once we neutralize the father, then the children are ours whenever and wherever we want them. And want them we do! Those despicable little ones make my black blood boil. Every time I see one of these wretched children, it reminds me of the Enemy’s holiness and love of purity. Our plan is to attack their purity so that they will belong to us for all time. Therefore, we need only to neutralize the guardians of these little monsters – and then we can pollute their miserable souls.

Thankfully, my enemies in the modern era are slow to realize the importance of a father in protecting his family. They play into our hands when they think that a father’s protective role ended in the bygone era when he defended the family against wild animals and invading savages. This incredible ignorance is utterly delightful! Little do they know that a father’s guardianship of his family is more valuable now than at any time in history. Spiritually, they are sound asleep. For a little while they paid heed to the Enemy’s warning to Pope Leo XIII about our plans for the modern era. It even looked like we would be defeated when our enemies enlisted the aid of our arch-opponent Michael. Fortunately, most of our little targets have forgotten about the arch-opponent Michael, and our plans proceed apace.

Towards the end of the century, just when our plans for destroying the faith by destroying the family were nearing completion, the Enemy sent that contemptible “pope for the family.” Decades of work were at risk when for the first time in history a pope (Ugh! I hate that word!) wrote a letter directly to families throughout the world. Amazingly, he seemed to know just how to warn families about our subtle (and not so subtle) plans for destroying the family. When things looked as if our work was about to be undone – the most wonderful thing happened! The families of the world didn’t even bother to read the contemptible pope’s letter. Oh, how wonderful this was. In our lower realm there was rejoicing for months over the nearly complete apathy concerning this teaching.

Now as we begin this new millennium, we must use technology to bring our master plan to completion by utilizing Internet pornography. Already we have spiritually neutralized millions of the Enemy’s men with pornography. Over the next few years we can surely make millions more spiritual midgets, who we can then manipulate at will.

With Internet pornography we can finally bring down the guardians of the Christian family. The fools still don’t realize that the technological temptations are waging war against their very souls, bringing to completion an over-a-century long campaign to destroy the faith by destroying the family. Since it is working so exceedingly well, I suggest that we continue to use every technological innovation to pump pornography to Christian fathers. Just think of the wonderful new digital temptations we will soon be sending out over broadband!

Remember, every man addicted to pornography is caught in the snares of what the Enemy calls grave sin. With pornography we have crippled their ability to spiritually protect their families. After they are ensnared in pornography, their families (their marriages and their children) are vulnerable to our attacks. Sure, these men still appear fine on the outside as they go to church, but we know that their hearts have been captured by pornography.

And since sons usually follow in the father’s footsteps, the sins of the fathers will run down through the generations, and we can rest assured that the future generations will belong to us.

A delightful by-product of pornography addiction is that it is so effective in creating turmoil in marriages. Of course, we have been attempting to destroy marriages as a vital part of our overall plan. A husband’s pornography addiction has shown a unique ability to undermine trust and intimacy between spouses. The addiction creates turmoil, heartbreak, and bewilderment in the hearts of those detestable Christian wives.

As far as Sundays in church go, there is only one thing to do. Just make sure things stay as they are – nice and quiet. The last thing we need are homilies about specific sins, like pornography. If a damaging homily is somehow preached, make sure you scramble any attempts to organize support groups to assist men unable to free themselves from our work. Just let the poor devils struggle alone – of course we know that they are not alone in their pornography addiction, don’t we?

Finally, we must keep up our guard against the Head of THAT family. Never forget how the Head of THAT family was used by the Enemy to ruin our dear servant Herod’s plans to kill the so-called Holy One. There are centuries-old rumors from the upper regions that the Head of THAT family will be brought into service at a critical time in history. The last thing we want is a repeat of the first century.

It has taken immense effort, but we have managed to thoroughly confuse modern man (and much of the church) about the meaning of true manhood and masculinity. We need impure men, especially fathers, to continue leading the culture towards our regions. We must therefore keep fathers from contact with the Head of THAT family, so that they don’t have any effective models of manly purity and righteousness.

Yet we need to be realistic in our strategies. If we cannot keep men away from the Unmentionable One, then at least we can chip away at some of the truth to keep things manageable for us. Keep their beliefs abstract. Men look up to tangible role models. Just be sure they don’t discover the Enemy’s perfect model for fathers, or our plans will get derailed. We can never hope to lead fathers devoted to that so-called “Just Man” deeper into the depraved delights of pornography.

Yours Diabolically,

Screwtape

To all of my earthly tempters: HELLo

1. Deathbed Conversions

Never forget that HE always comes to them at the moment of death, asking them if they love HIM, if they are truly sorry for their sins, and if they forgive their enemies. You must sufficiently torment your subject while you can, so as to prevent any deathbed conversions. A sincere and humble “Yes” to these questions by the dying humans undoes our work in a nano-second. We also come to him at the time of his death, to tempt him one last time with everything we’ve got to make him reject his own salvation. Make sure you get there first!

2. Saintly Intercession

If your human gets away and goes to HIM up there, he then becomes equal to the angels, as it says in Luke 20:36 of HIS book. He will then come back to intercede for his family during our later temptations, so it is imperative you don’t let him get away.

3. Generational Curses

While it is true that we get to torment any human’s descendants who hate HIM down to the fourth generation, as it says in Deuteronomy 5:9 of HIS book, it is also true that HE protects the human vermin down to the thousandth generation for those who love HIM, as it says in Deuteronomy 7:9. This doesn’t seem fair–only four generations for us but a thousand for HIM, but we’ll take whatever HE gives us. Never let them know that humans can pray continually for their ancestors now being purified in purgatory, and that these prayers will not only free their deceased family members from their fiery prison sooner, but they will also relieve their own pain on earth today, as it says in James 5:16.

4. The Catholic Church

 Always place in your human’s mind that he should never plug into the unlimited power of the Enemy Above’s Church. Make him always think that his own power and his own goodness are enough. Never let him see that the Catholic Church is like an electric dynamo of a gazillion gigawatts of holiness and grace that he can plug himself into for protection. Always make him content with his own power source, which is the equivalent of a rundown AAA battery. We really do want them thinking that being a “good person” is enough, which is very amusing indeed. The way it works is this: The world is like the ocean, and unless they grab onto HIS life preservers, the Sacraments, the Bible, the Rosary, and helping the poorest of the poor, we get to first torment them on earth, and then we get to drag them under the water to kill them. We are the hungry sharks that create the stormy sea of sin, hate, depression, gluttony, lust, murder, abortion, and suicide, and we try our best to make the humans fight us in their own personal, tiny, leaky rowboat. If you let them latch onto HIM and HIS Catholic Church, then they get to ride in HIS huge Catholic battleship, and they can then defeat us easily using HIS weapons of the rosary, the sacraments, scripture, and prayer. We want them for our food; HE wants to be their food in the Eucharist. I really hate that.

5. Abortion

Remember, we cannot get HIM, so our game plan is to get HIS children. We so hate the little humans because they are created in HIS image and likeness, after all, rather than mine. And we even get them before they are born, through our wonderful sacrament of abortion. Unlike our servants Pharaoh and Herod who took out kids after they were born, we now take them out while they are still being knitted by HIM (Psalm 139) in their mother’s womb (A mother who kills her own kid is a beautiful thing to us hellish demons!!!! How angry it must make HIM up above). We have placed it in the humans’ minds that these kids are just blobs of tissue, even though they are human looking, feel joy and pain, suck their thumbs, and are growing. HIS command to “go forth and multiply” has now become “go forth and murder”!!!! And even though the humans have ultrasound now which shows all of this to them, most people tend to ignore this science available to them, in favor of politics, personal convenience, and choice (what a wonderful word our Human Deception Committee came up with to deceive the earthly populace!) Thanks to this great deception and our good buddies in the US Supreme Court, human sacrifice is now more prevalent than ever (The Mayas, Aztecs, and Incas were rank amateurs at this compared to the human populace today)! They don’t even suspect that they are killing off the very people who could have solved most of their problems. In 1982, a woman in Houston aborted her kid, the very human who would have grown up to discover a cure for cancer. In 1993, a woman in Washington killed her baby, a little girl who would have grown up to become the first woman president of the US. In Florida, back in 1994, a woman murdered her son, the very son who would have discovered how to make cars run without any oil. One 15 year old girl in Tampa exterminated her child back in 2001, who would have grown up to be the one person that would have saved the world from nuclear war in 2033. All she could think about was herself, however, and how her “boyfiend”, er, I mean, boyfriend, wouldn’t love her anymore if she didn’t get rid of her baby. This is a wonderful “choice” that the young girls make in their life – kill an innocent baby for the love of a fornicating boyfriend who only “liked” the girl because of the shape of her body. Fornication + murder, you gotta love it. No, thanks to us, the humans only worry about saving baby seals and certain whales, and whatever other “endangered species” they can think of. Saving baby humans is not even on most of their radars, except for those very obnoxious and outspoken “pro-lifers”, who refuse to shut up after all of these years. We must stop them, because, after all, these humans will take our places in the heavenly thrones we once occupied, if they continue to obey HIM. They will even judge us one day, according to 1 Corinthians 6:3.

6. The Virgin Mary

And if you see HER, it’s game over. SHE is the one non-deity human we never could get to, not even once. It’s just not fair the way SHE shows up at the last minute in so many of our cases. HE delegates a lot of the battles we fight to HER, just so HE can humiliate me even more. So make sure you incite hatred and indifference toward HER in all of your humans, even though the Bible says that her soul magnifies the Lord in Luke 1:46 (magnifying HIM is the last thing we want. He’s already too big for us). Just like a magnifying glass can cause a fire by focusing the sun’s rays onto an object, The Son can cast fire upon the earth, as it says in Luke 12:49, by using her spirit-filled soul to magnify HIMSELF, something we don’t want. Rather, we don’t want the humans using HER at all, so that they will be cast into our fire in hell instead. By not accepting HER as their mother, as it says in Revelation 12:17, they will never become HIS brother. Make sure that they never completely understand Gabriel’s greeting to her in Luke 1:28, “Hail Full of Grace, The Lord IS with you”. This was said before the incarnation, which should be a hint to the humans that she was pure and holy before HE came to live in her for 9 months, but a lot of humans really believe that if SHE had said no to Gabriel, rather than “Be it done to me according to thy will”, that HE would have just picked some other girl. Ha! The word “IS”, of course, creates confusion in their minds, like when we got the former president of the US to redefine it for everyone, and he made a lot of them actually believe that it meant something entirely different than its synonyms of subsists, transpires, amounts to, equals, or comprises. Make the humans think that that particular greeting of Gabriel’s really says “was with you”, instead of “is with you.” A lot of the humans think that the spirit left HER after the incarnation, which, if they read their bibles, they would discover is not in there anywhere. Otherwise, John the Baptist wouldn’t have leaped for joy as a fetus (don’t let them catch on that fetuses experience human emotions, like joy and pain) in Elizabeth’s womb. This wordsmithing is also very important training for later, when you must make the humans think that when HE said about the Eucharist – “This IS my body”- that he really meant “This SYMBOLIZES my body”. Word-twisting – It’s what we do! And if you do see HER, call me on my hellphone at 1-666-DVOUREM right away so I can make a fast getaway

7. Daily Devotions and atheism

And be sure to keep your subject away from daily devotions, like that rosary thing, the divine mercy (I can hardly say it) meditations, and any fasting or abstaining whatsoever. These things are like weightlifting is to a muscle – It makes them stronger spiritually every time they do them. We want them weak and helpless, so that the slightest temptation (lust of the eyes, lust of the flesh, & pride of life, from 1 John 2:16) we put before them is too powerful for them to even want to overcome. You must keep them from strengthening their relationship with HIM and HER through daily devotions and meditations, because we can’t approach them in the slightest when they are doing these things. Suggest to their brains that these things are wimpy, and only people who “don’t think for themselves” would do them. We want all 6 billion people on the planet “thinking for themselves”, you know, like we did with Hitler and Stalin. It’s like having everyone drive on the freeway making up their own rules as they drive. Complete chaos! We want “freethinkers” everywhere, because “freethinkers” always morph into “Me-thinkers”. Humans believe that thinking for themselves apart from their divinely inspired Church is a virtue, when it actually is a vice. After all, what does a 2000 year old Church created by HIM that has HIS SPIRIT guiding it always (John 16:13), that has been through the Crucifixion, the Crusades, numerous heresies, the Inquisition, the Reformation, and the French Revolution know, in comparison to their 40 year old minds? Nothing I tell you, nothing….really! Also mention to their minds the date; something like, “After all, this is the 21rst Century”. The calendar strategy has worked well for us in each century we have tried it. It somehow appeals to their pride of being a member of the smartest and most “enlightened” century ever, no matter what the century is, and it makes them want to avoid the appearance of being superstitious and “medieval” (I LOVE THAT WORD!) in their thinking! This “not being superstitious” strategy has worked very well for us in camouflaging our existence. No one in erudite company will ever admit that they believe in the existence of demons, because they will be made fun of by the intelligentsia. HE said HIS name is “I AM WHO AM”. I say, “I am who am not”! And if they don’t admit that we even exist, then we have a free “reign” to do whatever. And reigning is just what I intend to do!

8.Religious Pride

 And when everything else fails, you can use the religious pride strategy. You know, puff them up with their knowledge of the Bible and HIM. That way, they know about HIM, but they don’t know HIM personally, like a loving (ugh) Father. This was so plainly evident with Job and his very chatty companions. They talked about HIM in the 3rd person, while Job was talking to HIM as a person. Guess who HE listened to in the end? As Paul says in 1 Corinthians 13, if they don’t have love, they got nuthin’. Make them think that their personal knowledge of the Bible makes them better than everyone else, the rabble out there who may love their neighbor, but who don’t know the difference between Corinthians and Galatians. In other words, make them like our good buddies, the Pharisees. Also suggest to them that faith is more important than love, something that Paul says is not true, in 1 Corinthians 13:13. We were very successful in planting this seed during the 16th Century Deformation, er, I mean, Reformation.

9. Love

And if they do discover that love is greater than faith, make them know about love, rather than what love really is, as defined by HIM in Matthew 25:31-46. Confuse their minds into thinking that ALL works are useless, rather than just Jewish works of the Law that Paul talks about in Galatians 2:16. In other words, tell them that it is not important for them to have to do anything in the way of good works that HE commanded HIS followers to do in his beatitudes (Matthew 5:16), and that love is just a warm and fuzzy feeling, rather than a personal sacrifice on their part. Make them think that since he loves them with an everlasting love (UGH) as HE says in Jeremiah 31:3, that they get a free pass to heaven, and that there is no response required on their part to all of this love. HE says in Jeremiah 29:13 that they will seek and find HIM when they seek HIM with all of their heart, but thanks to us, no one ever does that anymore. HE is so demanding – HE requires them to give HIM 100% all the time in order for them to go to heaven, whereas we only need them to obey us once with a mortal sin to get them down here. HE even says in Revelation 20:12-13 that they will be judged at the end by what they did, rather than by their faith in HIM alone, or in the Bible alone. Even though HE had HIMSELF crucified to show them that love is indeed a personal sacrifice, most humans today believe that love is only a gooey sexual vibration, rather than getting their hands dirty with the poorest of the poor. We had one get away, Mother Teresa, who showed them all what love really is, but most of them just put her on a pedestal to admire, and they never even desire to climb up on that pedestal with her. Our agents the atheists now regularly attack and besmirch her on a regular basis, so that future generations will look down on her and not try to emulate her example. This strategy worked well for us with Pope Pius XII, who was denigrated by the Communists in a theatrical play after he died. Now, most people call him “Hitler’s Pope”, even though he saved hundreds of thousands of Jews from the Nazi’s. Negative PR – It’s what we do! Humans today prefer big screen TVs, expensive dining on the finest culinary delights, and whatever else they can spend their money on, rather than giving it to the poor. The Bible actually warns them in Luke 16:13 against this divided loyalty, when it says that they cannot serve HIM and money, but most of them think that they can be that camel that goes through the eye of the needle, as it says in Matthew 19:23-24, because they are, well, different than most well off people. Do not let them read that part in the Bible about that widow giving her last two pennies to the poor, in Luke 21:1-4, and HIM saying that she gave more than the rich people who gave from their surplus. Make them think that it is more important to be monetarily rich and secure in this life, instead of being poor and spiritually close to HIM. That way, they not only make us happy by looking down their noses at the poor from their lofty money perch, we also get them at the end. Put into their minds that throwing in $5 in the collection plate every week is good enough. Don’t let them even think about sacrificial giving. HE gave HIS all, and that is good enough. After all, suggest to them that HE would want them to pig out at the Sunday buffet after church, and to buy that big easy chair instead of giving more to the poor. You see how easy it all is? Money and personal comfort must always take priority over helping out HIS poor ones, in spite of Tobit 12:8-9 (DON’T let them see those verses, at all costs!).

10. Demonic Strategy

And remember, our job is to turn everything upside down. Everything that is evil becomes good, and everything that is good becomes evil. You know, like homosexuality is now seen as good, and people who are “traditional” in their views are seen as bigots. Homosexuality is now called “gay”, and the Boy Scouts are now evil because they won’t admit people who are not “morally straight”. Killing babies is now called “reproductive health” (we worked overtime coming up with that phrase!), and people who pray rosaries in front of abortion clinics are seen as narrow minded fundamentalists who hate women. We now have more people interested in following the dictates of the Supreme Court rather than those of the Supreme Being. We have more people worshiping the almighty dollar rather than the Almighty HIMSELF. “It’s the economy, stupid” is now more important to human voters than morality and virtue. Voters now vote for how someone looks, for their charisma, and for their speaking style, and they could care less about their background and what they will do once elected. The goal here is similar to reversing the poles of one of the batteries in a flashlight, so that the negative one is where the positive one should be, and vice (I love that word!) versa. That way, NO light comes out, and then we can operate with even more freedom to tempt souls to send themselves down here for our supper. And notice how we only have to reverse one of the batteries in the flashlight for this to work. Even if the other batteries are installed correctly, the one reversed battery blocks the current from going through the others, resulting in no light being emitted. This is similar to putting one spoiled apple in a barrel with 20 good ones. The one bad one makes the other 20 go bad. The 20 good ones never make the 1 bad one good. And don’t forget to suggest to them that their propensity to commit a particular sin is part of the way they are, and that they just can’t help committing this sin. In other words, tell them their sin is genetic, and therefore they shouldn’t even try to overcome it. Overcoming their human nature is exactly what HE wants them to do; We, on the other hand, want them to be stuck in this world with all of their humanity – greed, lust, anger, sloth, gluttony, envy, and pride. HE wants them to embrace generosity, chastity, meekness, persistence, temperance, kindness, and humility, which are all very “out of this world” virtues. We have lost quite a few humans who finally woke up one day and then started praying to lose a particular vice and to gain the opposite virtue. When they do that enough, one day, HE releases them from our bondage, and they just quit committing that sin, cold turkey. Very sad when we lose a fiend, er, a friend, like that.

11. Eucharistic Adoration

A word of caution about the Catholic practice of Eucharistic Adoration … The Catholics rightfully say that the consecrated piece of bread is the body, blood, soul, and divinity of HIM. However, they can’t see the gleaming silver and gold rainbows emanating from it like we can. The ones who go to Adoration on a regular basis merely take it on faith that it is HIM. They put into action the words of Paul in 2 Corinthians 5:7, about walking by faith, not by sight. They leave this Adoration thing peaceful and with a new sense of purpose and resolve to overcome sin because during their hour with HIM, HE spoke to them with silent mind thoughts. That’s the bad news. The good news is that the majority of the Catholics and just about all protestants don’t really believe in what they call the Real Presence. The Real Presence doctrine of HIS Church says that an ordinary piece of bread has become HIS body, blood, soul, and divinity. In other words, the consecrated host on the altar is HIM. The same body that we had the Romans scourge, the same body that they nailed to the cross, the same body that forgave HIS enemies, is now there in all of its glory for them to adore. Some of them may say that they believe it, but they certainly aren’t banging down the doors of the Blessed Sacrament Chapel to get in. If the Pope were to show up in their Church, there would be a clamor for tickets to get in and maybe even to catch a glimpse of him or get a blessing from Him. But just let HIM set HIMSELF up in their back room chapels under the appearance of ordinary bread, and hardly anyone shows up. And Eucharistic adoration is usually for 1 hour a week out of 168 total, which equates to 6 tenths of 1 percent. It’s like HE gives them 100 dollars worth of time each week, and they won’t even give HIM back 60 cents. Amazing! These so-called believers who never go to Adoration are more the “seeing is believing” type that populate most churches nowadays. Some of the protestant ones even think that to consume HIM in the Eucharist is like cannibalism, which the Roman emperors accused the early Christians of. Under no circumstances let your human subject read 1 Corinthians 15:44, which tells about the reality of the spiritual body. And if they do read it, make them think that it says “symbolic” body, which is the word most of the protestants somehow manage to see every time they read about the Eucharist, John 6:53-58 notwithstanding. To eat HIS flesh and to drink HIS blood is for HIM to abide in them, and them in HIM. Keep it in their minds that the Eucharist is only symbolic, just like HE said in….oh, wait an eon…HE didn’t. Anyway, keep it in their minds that they must deny that it is HIS real flesh and HIS real blood, and that it is only a memorial of an event long since passed. That way they eat and drink judgment on themselves, as it says in 1 Corinthians 11:29. YES! Make them think that to eat HIS body really means to read HIS Word, like the protestant ones teach. Real Catholics know that, through time and space, they enter into the original Last Supper when they participate in Communion, but most people think it’s only a memorial, kind of like a birthday anniversary or something. And don’t let them read the reality of it all in Malachi 1:11 and in 1 Corinthians 10:16, or else!

12. Living Forever

And don’t forget one of my personal favorite strategies. Implant in their brains that they will never die, and that the great way things are now will always be. Tell them that they must keep on keepin’ on making lots of money, having lots of sex, watching suggestive movies and shows on TV, telling the poor to “get a job” and not lifting a finger to help them, looking at lots of porn, etc., because there will never be an accounting of it all at their judgment, which could be tomorrow, for all they know. Thousands of people who were on earth yesterday enjoying steak, air conditioning, soft beds, sex, etc., are now down here with us in hell today. Eat, drink, and be merry is what they should not only think, but truly believe and act out on a daily basis. Don’t let them meditate on that inoperable cancer coming up in their life 10 years from now, or that car wreck coming up next week, or the future death of their child at age 18, or the great stock market crash in the near future that wipes out their retirement portfolio. If they did think about these things, they would get down on their knees immediately to do a pre-emptive prayer strike, but thanks be to us, they never even think about the future catastrophes we have planned for their miserable lives. Have them build their life’s castle on our great foundation of shifting sand, rather than on HIS foundation of unmovable bedrock. That way, the crash when their castle comes down will be devastating to them, and then suicide becomes a reality to their minds, out of nowhere. It sure worked well for us in 1929! And remember, the more that they sin, the more control of their future we have. No one signs a contract with us, like in the movies; rather, their repeated sins are their signature on our dotted line. We are like velcro to their lives when they sin. We stick around in their lives for a LONG time after they sin. Their sins are like their personal invitation to us to take over their lives. They will sell us their souls for eternity later on for a few moments of pleasure now. Such a deal! The really great news is that the more that they sin, the better they taste to us “roaring lions”…..AND DON’T LET THEM DEVELOP AN AFFINITY FOR PRAYER, ESPECIALLY THAT ROSARY THING! We can’t touch them while they are doing that. 99% of the people down here with us now NEVER prayed in life, and if they did, it was for selfish things, and from their head, not from their heart. Most of their prayers never involved prayers of praise, thanksgiving, or for mercy, but were just petitions for selfish things. Your goal should be to implant pleasurable impure thoughts in their heads 24/7/365, so that they won’t even want to pray for them to go away, so that they can be with us down here in hellfire for eternity when they die. Remember, especially for the young ones, implant the thought that sin is cool and fun, you know, like getting drunk, looking at porn, doing drugs, fornicating, disobeying their parents, etc. This philosophy that sin is cool and fun stays with them a LONG time after they get older, as do we. And sin, as we know, is like a boomerang – They throw it, and it really feels good. Then, later on, when they least expect it, it comes back to hit them in the back of their head with untold pain. For every ounce of pleasure that they get from sin, there are 100 pounds of pain in payback, and that is just while they are alive on earth! Most humans are too stupid to realize this direct cause-and-effect relationship, and it is always great to see their misery when it results. Implant in their minds that it is more important to “go with the flow” of society, rather than to stand tall against the latest and greatest slime we come up with. We know that only dead bodies float downstream, and that it takes live ones to swim against the current. We want as many dead bodies as we can get floating down our river of filth, and at the same time, we want them all laughing and ridiculing the stalwart Christians who are swimming upstream and who are trying to warn them about their future fate (remember – we’re very cool dudes, and they are fundamentalist bigots trying to impose their morality on us good-timers). And like rivers on earth, our river of pleasure and sin also empties into a lake, a lake of fire, that is! Sin – Don’t leave home without it!

13. Noise

And be sure to surround your human scum with noise, all the time, so that he or she has no solitude. Make saved-sure that they have background music with sexy suggestive lyrics playing at every opportunity, at restaurants, at the gas station, at the gym, at theme parks, etc. This way you silently program their subconscious thoughts to do our bidding. And when there’s no music, make sure that there are leaf blowers, lawnmowers, alarms going off, traffic noise, TV commercials, loud gossip, etc. in the background. HE thrives in silence, as HE says in Psalm 62, whereas we thrive in noise. All of this noise produces anxiety in their psyches, and they won’t even know why. HE said in Matthew 6:25-34 to be anxious for nothing, whereas we want them anxious for everything! How many of them fail miserably to obey HIS command not to worry about ANYTHING!!! It would seem that most of them trust more in themselves than in HIM, and this is exactly what we want! We can’t get them if they place their total trust in HIM and his female emissary, but they are meat for our table when they trust in their own strength. If they only knew OUR strength!

14. Sin is fun and lasts forever

Be sure to place in their mind that there is no end to the fun in sinning. Our plan for them is similar to the rural property owner who feeds the deer all year long, in preparation for hunting season. Every day, the deer learn that there is great tasting food in a certain spot in the pasture. For hundreds of days during the year, they come to that same spot to enjoy a delicious free meal. Then, come November, the hunters are sitting there waiting for the unsuspecting gullible deer, and then its lights out for the deer. The humans must never suspect that we are setting the same kind of trap for them with sin. Just like the deer, they will become addicted to whatever illicit pleasure we allow them. They will begin to think that they will never die, and that there is no end in sight to the fun of their particular transgression. And then one day we materialize to them in all of our horrible glory. And when they finally get to see us for the first time, it’s another beautiful heart attack. And once we get them down here, they will suddenly realize that their whole life was made up of spitting on HIS face with their sins, just like the Roman soldiers did.

15. Curses

And don’t forget the power we have over some humans because of the curses placed on them by their own parents! “GD you” has become a part of the common vernacular of many parents to their own kids, in spite of HIS Second Commandment. With these simple words, they have given us power over their little vermin. We now have the parents’ express permission to spiritually, mentally, and physically torment their offspring as we see fit, and the kids won’t even know why they lead such miserable lives. They will all of sudden start to become gluttons, loners, sex fiends, liars, etc., and it’s all thanks to their wonderful parents, who will one day have to not only give an accounting for taking HIS name in vain, but for also placing a curse upon their progeny.

16. The Occult

See if you can get your human interested in the occult. We have cleverly repackaged a lot of this under the wonderful term of “new age”, the dawning of the “age of aquarius”. A lot of humans really love it when we rename our old tactics with wonderful sounding euphemisms. Just about every newspaper today carries the horrorscopes, I mean, horoscopes. Many people get hooked on these predictions, in spite of HIS admonition in Deuteronomy 18:10 to avoid them at all costs. HE wants them to trust in HIM completely, and HE really doesn’t like it when HIS created ones seek arcane knowledge about the future from fortune tellers. We have even made a game of this with the wonderful Ouija board, where unsuspecting idiots contact us through the planchette and the board. They will try to pass it off as static electricity, or someone else pushing on the planchette, but it is really us. We disguise ourselves as dead humans or friendly angels, but that is only to hook them like a fish. And once we get them hooked, we stay with them for a long time, and our power over their minds and their wills becomes very strong. Soon, they will become grand habitual sinners, and as a bonus, they will even think that it is all right and good. It’s all part of the Wicked Deception Paul talks about in 2 Thessalonians 2:9-12, you know. A lot of allegedly “smart” people laugh at and scoff at these occultic practices, saying that they are harmless and not real. Scorn and derision of people who do believe that these things are real and very harmful are also part of our deceptive practices. Nobody likes to be laughed at as being somehow “medieval” in their thinking. However, most people will never even ask the question about why HIS book would warn against practices that are not even real !

17. Tolerance

And get your human to embrace our wonderful philosophy of tolerance. You know, the thinking that one must be broad minded and open to anything and everything, even evil, as being OK. We have a lot of humans convinced in their minds that tolerance of evil is a virtue, not a vice. Being tolerant of things once considered to be societal evils is now seen as wonderful “enlightenment”, a great word, don’t you think (2 Corinthians 11:14-15)? People who aren’t tolerant of our slime are now viewed as intolerant bigots, and that is a wonderful way to drive families apart, one of our main goals. The leader of the Catholic Church on earth has called this “moral relativism”, where everyone gets to decide for themselves what is right or wrong. He’s correct of course, but we prefer the term “I’m OK, you’re OK” to “moral relativism”. He has also rightly said that all of this leads to the culture of death, which is exactly what we want.

18. Pornography

And don’t forget the porn. Most men get hooked on it early, and can’t seem to stay away from our eye candy. HE said it was an abomination in Leviticus 18, as well as confirming that in his New Testament book of Matthew 5:28, but apparently it is so alluring to the humans that they prefer eternal hell with us rather than obeying HIM now. Pretty good deal, I think. When I lured Eve into taking my bait, she saw that the forbidden fruit was a delight to the eye (Geneis 3:6). And just like that forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden, pornography is also pleasing to a lot of eyes today, and it causes the downfall of humans as well. Most men, and now a lot of women, worship our images of forbidden nudity, and never even realize they are committing HIS sin of idolatry, all day, every day. HE really wishes they would worship and adore HIM like they do our pictures! And the blowback from this sin is also great. Humans who consume porn and achieve their orgasms through it will wall themselves off from the love of their family and friends, subconsciously, of course. And the guilt feelings they always get from this great mortal sin usually manifest themselves later on as gluttony, or whatever other earthly excesses they are addicted to. It’s like a doubling down of sin in their lives! Porn is a “sure-fire” (?!?) way whereby we gradually take over their miserable lives. And once we get our pretty poison into their weak minds, we don’t need no stinkin’ potions to mess up their brains. We already have the power to let their imaginations run wild with sexuality, so that they have to have more and more porn, with more and more explicit perversions to achieve the same high. A death spiral, for sure. And as everyone down here knows, the more they commit this mortal sin, the more control we have over their futures, making their lives a living hell, with maximum disappointments at work, at home, with money, with everything! Depression sets in, and then they may even commit suicide, which is our ultimate goal – For them to reject the very gift of life HE gave them. The more they commit their porn sins, the more we get to decide when they die, rather than HIM. And we always open the trap door for them to fall into our pit when they least expect it. If, on the other hand, they adore HIM instead of our nudie pics, then HE always takes them out at the best time for their salvation, with one of HIS priests present for the Last Rites. I really hate HIS priests for that reason.

19. Marital Strife

Don’t forget to stir up strife between the man and his wife. This is easier than you think, you know. The male tends to make grand, loud, sweeping statements in a commanding kind of voice. The female will then tend to pick apart whatever he says, syllable by syllable, nuance by nuance. This female pettiness always drives the male ego crazy, and he will do one of two things – Either he will get louder and more commanding, which is what we want, or he will shutup and shuffle off to his man-cave, figuring that discretion is the better part of valor. This will then leave the female confused as to why he doesn’t like to talk to her. This is also good, as shutting off communication between man and wife eventually leads to divorce. For extra credit, get the female to bring up something bad his parents said to her 20 years ago, that he has long since forgotten. This also drives the male ego nuts, having to choose between defending his parents, or agreeing with his wife. These kind of prize fights are real fun for us to watch – arguing over 20 year old statements that no one else in the entire world cares about, but which has now become a blood feud. Forgive and forget is not part of this scenario! And we really have fun if we can get the mother-in-law of one of the spouses to move in. The child of the mother will automatically assume the role of the child once more, and in many cases be more deferential to the mother than to the spouse that was to be loved, honored, and obeyed. This causes untold friction in the mind of the spouse, as it is now 2 against 1, instead of equality. Also, have him ogle beautiful women on TV, and make comments to her about how beautiful “they” are. Since he never compliments his wife on her looks, she will take this as meaning that he doesn’t love her anymore. Then, put into her mind that she needs to constantly remind him that he doesn’t make enough money at his job. Since being a great provider for his family is one of the main things that comprises the male ego, he will take this as a dig that he is worthless. The game is on! And speaking of “the game”, see if you can get her to interrupt his precious Sunday football game, with the astounding news that she has just saved $3 on her latest grocery bill. She thinks that is really big news, and wants to share it with her loving hubby. He, of course, thinks that what is happening on his big screen TV is much more important than his loving wife, and will probably growl back at her to be quiet while the game is on. This will hurt her feelings, and should be fertile ground for a fight later on. If they only knew the grace they are missing out on every time they fail to love, and to show their love. This is especially true with our 20th Century catalyst for the sexual revolution, artificial birth control. HE wants them trusting totally in HIM, especially when HE is giving them HIS most precious gift, the gift of new life. The husband and wife, on the other hand, prefer to trust in either latex or chemicals, which really makes HIM angry. This allows us to come in and secretly separate them from each other through divorce down the road. Additionally, the pill and/or latex allows the single male to have a great time with any funtime female of his choosing, and not suffer any consequences or long term commitment (Of course, we slip in VD occasionally, just for fun, when we let the condom leak or break, but they don’t really care. Only the orgasm is important to them, nothing else). Using females for male pleasure under the guise of “women’s liberation” was a wonderful idea, and it has worked well for us, especially since the Anglican Church back in 1930 said that they agreed with us on the separation of pleasure from procreation, which was definitely not part of HIS “go forth and multiply” plan. Today, only the Catholics seem to be holdouts in forbidding artificial birth control, but that is mainly in the hierarchy, and not practiced in the bedroom. After all, why listen to an old, boring, celibate Pope, when they can listen to the dynamic and really cool Me!

20. Science

And don’t forget science, the worship of the creation instead of the creator! A lot of stupid humans known as atheists study HIS creation and then jump to the conclusion that since it’s so complex, that it therefore happened all by itself!! Now that’s the kind of “leap of faith” we like! No one in their right mind would study a computer system, with its interconnected motherboard, RAM, ROM, modem, etc., and then say with a straight face that since they personally studied it and understand how it all works, it therefore must have created itself! No software engineer would ever be able to convince people that since he understands how the OS software works on your computer that it therefore wrote itself!!!!! But that is exactly what atheists say about the complex human immune system, the human reproduction system, the water cycle, the Van Allen radiation belts, the solar system, gravity, the DNA code, etc. None of them can explain, of course, about how the exact timing of the seasons, days and years, the interconnectedness of the environment, and the beauty of nature could create themselves from amoebas in a primordial swamp getting together billions of years ago. And they don’t stop to even ask themselves where those amoebas and the primordial swamp came from either. Some of these brainy scientists even subscribe to the theory that man was created by space aliens, but they never consider just who created those aliens in the first place? They can never write an equation to explain the bonding between a mother and her newborn child, the sexual attraction between men and women, the love pets have for their owners, etc. But thanks to our gift of pride, they have made their small minds actually believe that all of these things just happened by themselves. They also never ask the question about why a big bang didn’t need a big banger to start it all off. No, they say, it just happened all on its own. Things somehow just create themselves out of thin air, with no guiding superior intelligence. And the atheist scientists claim that living organisms actually came out of inanimate elements like carbon, hydrogen, oxygen, and nitrogen! No one ever asks these scientists to recreate this “dead-things-morph-into-living-things” experiment in a lab, for sure, because most reporters agree with them. This is all ludicrous of course, like someone believing that their car and house created themselves out of nothing. Beautiful thinking indeed! And they never stop to think that big bangs like Mount St. Helens, 9/11, the Yucatan asteroid, Mount Vesuvius, etc., don’t cause beauty, timing, and order, but rather, chaos. Very upside down thinking indeed, totally out of touch with reality. We have gotten them to actually write books about the “HIM Delusion”, and “HE Is Not Great”, so that they can download their stupidity into other gullible, prideful humans. You gotta love it! No scientist would ever believe anything written by a theologian about science, but somehow, the humans are all supposed to believe whatever a scientist writes about theology, something he has never studied in depth, and is totally out of his field. That is as stupid as believing what failed politicians, who have no background in meteorology, science, or fortune telling, have to say about the weather 100 years from now!!!! It’s so easy to make the humans check their brains at the door, and to believe that down is up, and up is down. For our next act, we are thinking, just for fun, of seeing if we can make the humans believe what a laid-off dock worker has to say about molecular biology in the 22nd century!

21. Drugs

One of our great strategies has always been to hook them on drugs, or mind-altering substances. In previous centuries, we called these things potions, but the word “drugs” sounds so much better these days. Back in the good old days of the 1960’s, we introduced into their culture many such substances, including LSD. This was a followup to our previous favorites of cocaine, marijuana, and heroin. All of these great things induce false realities into their minds that they truly believe. And the great thing is that these false realities stick around long after they quit using the drugs. Ever wonder why so many people today believe so many crazy things that were anathema to society only 50 years ago? This has introduced into their society the “Culture War”, which we are winning, by the way. It’s the traditionalists versus the hedonists ! Thanks be to us, the hedonists are seen as very cool and wonderful people, and the traditionalists are seen as old fogey idiots who want to impose their personal view of morality on everyone else. The hedonists want to put our filth into all of society, thinking of course, that it won’t affect anyone else, so what’s the big deal. The hedonists don’t realize that putting manure in a swimming pool pollutes even the clean people in the pool, but that’s OK by us! We want them all dirty! Stimulating their imaginations into believing whatever we want them to believe is a great way to lead your human down here to our dinner table. The last thing we want is for the humans to live in the real world. We want them believing imaginary things that will turn them into our unknowing, prideful servants!

22. Confession

At all costs, keep your human away from the confessional. Appeal to his pride (always my favorite !) and make him think that confession is only for kids, but not for a sophisticated adult like him or her. Don’t let them realize that while they are still alive, they can tap into HIS mercy through this sacrament, but after they drop dead, they have to face HIS justice, which includes us as the torturers a lot of the time. After he confesses, he is in what is known as “the state of grace”, if he has been sincere, humble, and honest with the priest. We know that venial sins are analogous to him pouring manure on his soul, and mortal sins are like him killing his soul, which is what we always want. After confession, he is clean as a whistle, since his guilt is removed. We still get to molest him because of the punishment due his sins, but if he then discovers indulgences, it’s all over for us. If he gets a plenary indulgence, then all of the punishment due his forgiven sins is no longer available to us. If he gets a partial indulgence, then we still get to molest him, but not as much, so keep his mind away from this two – tiered soul-cleansing mechanism of HIM above. For the humans, going to confession is like removing a stepped-on rusty nail from his foot. Getting the indulgence is like healing the foot wound left behind, as well as the infection to the rest of his body caused by the rust on the nail. And remember, the dirtier his soul caused by his own sins, the sooner we get him down here, and the better he tastes to us. And that is our two-tiered plan for him!

23. Gluttony

One of my personal favorite methods of getting humans to turn away from HIM is to suggest to their minds to stuff themselves with food, morning, noon, and night. HE said in Matthew 9:15 that HIS followers would fast after HE was no longer with them. But thanks to us, hardly any one of them has the will power to even skip one meal, much less go for a day without food. We have created all-you-can-eat feed trough restaurants for them to gorge themselves at, and we have made the price relatively cheap. And the 1000 calorie trans-fat burger and fries lunch also gets them hooked. And thanks to our long term plan, they don’t even consider that pigging out is sinful. The term “gluttony” is almost forgotten now. The great thing is that the more that they eat, the faster they eat it, and the more that they eat at each sitting, the more their stomachs stretch, which in turn means that larger and larger amounts of food will be required at the next meal to fill them. A true death spiral that takes away years from their life, not to mention the quality of their life. And like helium going into a balloon, when they also drink gassy carbonated drinks all day that stretches out their stomachs even more. Like cattle fattened for the slaughter, they are preparing themselves to be a delicacy for us “roaring lions who go about devouring souls”, and they don’t even know it. And soon, high cholesterol, diabetes, high blood pressure, arthritis, and a whole plethora of other great diseases start to control their lives. Misery – It’s what we do! It is amazing how they trade in their quality of life for the sake of their taste buds and the feeling of fullness in their stomachs. And the more they look to food to calm their nerves when they are worried and anxious (“stressed” is “desserts” spelled backwards!!), the less they look toward HIM for the resolution of their nervousness, which is exactly what we want – depressed and fat humans who turn to the good things of this world for consolation, rather than to HIM. Our former colleague Raphael the Archangel even spilled the beans (sorry for the pun, I couldn’t help myself) in Tobit 12:8 that the efficacy of prayer is improved with fasting, but who reads that book anymore? After all, eat, drink, and be merry is the message humans believe in today, not some Old Testament story about angels unaware. Watching the humans try to pray without first fasting is as funny as watching a man trying to climb a ladder with his feet securely chained to the floor. Archbishop Sheen even said once that fasting detaches one from this world, and then prayer reattaches one to the next world. But, he is long gone, and no one remembers that quote anymore, thank Me!

24. Fantasy

When I tempt humans, I have always found that it is easiest if we first get them to live in a false world of fantasy. This has been easier to accomplish lately with our great friends in Hollywood, who create movies that paint pictures of false realities, and thus program the humans who watch them; You know, lots of illicit sex with no bad consequences, people who die and then come back to life, and people who get revenge on their enemies and never feel remorse for it. And now, with special computerized stunt effects, the gullible humans actually try to emulate some of these spectacular stunts in their real lives, like laying on railroad tracks, drag racing on the freeways, putting their younger siblings into wrestling choke holds they see on TV, etc. And in all of the disaster movies that have come out lately, we have been very successful in eliminating what most people really do in times of trouble, praying. Instead, we have the heroes saving others through the power of their own ingenuity and resourcefulness, instead of relying on HIM through prayer. And have you noticed how all religious people in movies lately are portrayed as being evil, stupid, or mean? Thanks to our false idol of pornography, we have created a beautiful fantasy world in the minds of lusty men that every beautiful woman in the world wants to get naked just for them, wants their body for pure pleasure, and all with no consequences to their marriage or family, Ted Bundy notwithstanding. Then, when their loved ones or friends require something of them that doesn’t jive with their imagination, anger, frustration, and even violence can happen. And that is exactly what we want.

25. Coveting

One of HIS commandments warns the humans against coveting their neighbor’s wife. As you know, coveting is purely an act of the will, and is not associated with any physical act. All they have to do is to think about what it would be like to bed down with another’s wife, or to dwell on how pretty she is. This is fairly easy to do these days, with all of the dolled-up women in the workplace. It is part of man’s nature to desire a woman’s physical beauty, and when they are in work meetings with her, or working with her on a project, it is second nature for the man to stare at her physical attributes and to lust for her in his mind and heart, especially if his own wife nags him at home, or has cut him off from sex. If you can get them to proceed to the next level with physical touching and suggestive talk, that is even better, but it isn’t required for their damnation. HE said that all a man has to do is to look on a woman with lust to commit adultery with her, and indeed, that is how we drag a lot of men down here to hell with us. So encourage this lusty behavior in their minds by suggesting to the women to dress provocatively. That way we get to devour them both down here for their personal “last supper”. HE considers marriage to be a sacrament, a solemn vow taken between a man and a woman that lasts forever, taken invoking HIM as their Lord and master. When men lust after another’s wife, it degrades them, their own spouse, and HIM. And that is exactly what we want! Men become our partners in blaspheming HIM.

26. Homosexuality

And don’t forget one of our greatest spiritual takeovers – same sex attraction. We have been very successful lately at implanting these abnormal thoughts in a lot of humans’ brains, and the fact that they are so outspoken about how good this is drives the real Christians nuts. Our victims often claim that this state of life is genetic, even though their parents obviously were not homosexuals, and none of their siblings are either. It’s a great excuse, though, to claim that they were born this way, and therefore, it’s OK to commit the sin of Sodom on a regular basis. We are trying to implant this kind of thinking with the gluttons, with drunkards, with drug users, with fornicators, and with adulterers also, because if they were “born this way and just can’t help it”, then they have no reason to ever try to quit sinning, which is exactly what we want, and what HE doesn’t want. We even have some protestant churches giving this homosexual “lifestyle” their green light, because in their minds, this is the 21rst century after all, and they want to be enlightened and to be “with it” when it comes to the great modern culture of today, Romans 1:26-27 notwithstanding. The fact that this way of living is condemned in HIS book of ROMANS should be a hint to them that this modern “lifestyle” was also the depraved culture of the Roman Empire, but most humans are too stupid to make this connection. That way of life in ancient Rome is what empowered us to take them down hard after a few centuries, and it is exactly what will enable us to demolish this so-called “modern civilization” in the near future. We were able to empower the Huns and the Visigoths to take down Rome after it was “comfortable” and established in its filthy, secular, & hedonistic lifestyle; Now we have empowered the Islamic extremists (and the Chinese Communists, but don’t tell anyone about this yet. We like surprises!) to take down America and the rest of decadent western civilization. The Stalinist purges will seem like a picnic when we start taking down people in those countries who really believe that they are free to do whatever they want, whenever they want, in spite of HIS admonition that they cannot in 1 Peter 2:16. No, once they turn away from HIM and his rulebook, then we are empowered to do our damnedest, which we always do. This is all part of our great deception, to turn tolerance of vice into a virtue, and to paint those who do not tolerate vice into hateful bigots. And in the Catholic Church, 80% of the sexual abuse charges against their priests concerned male-on-male attacks. Most Christians consider this way of life so abhorrent that they can’t find love in their hearts for anyone who is a homosexual, and that is great, since they are supposed to love and forgive everyone, like HE did from HIS cross. The Christian ones who claim to love their neighbor as themselves, which, BTW, HE commanded them to do, hardly ever pray for their homosexual acquaintances or family members. Our victims, the homosexuals, have now set up a straw-man argument that if anyone disagrees with their lifestyle, they therefore hate them. So you see how delicious this is – One side refuses to love its enemies and to even pray for them, and the other side thinks that people hate them if they disagree with them….What a great thing that is for us, because then we can get both sides down here eventually!

27. Separation of Church and State

And don’t forget the strategy of placing the state against any and all things that HIS Church is trying to accomplish. We were very successful in this in the French Revolution with the Vendees, in Russia during our atheist takeover of their once Christian state, in Portugal and Mexico during the early 20th century, and now in the US. We do this by morphing the phrase “freedom of religion” into “freedom from religion”. Most atheists become very offended at the mere mention of HIS name, thanks to our mind control, and we manage to get the courts in these countries to actually believe that any mention of HIS name or what HIS Church stands for is somehow evil and forbidden in their constitution. A lot of humans in the US actually believe that the phrase “the separation of Church and State” is in their hallowed constitution, even though it is nowhere to be found. Thomas Jefferson uttered this phrase in a private letter, and the modern secular courts took that phrase and enshrined it into all of their laws. Most humans in the US are too stupid to even read their own constitution, which closes with the words – “Done in Convention by the Unanimous Consent of the States present the Seventeenth Day of September in the Year of our Lord one thousand seven hundred and Eighty seven”. Nope, no Christian reference there, believe you me…Really… Now, the “Christmas” vacation in school is referred to as “the holidays”, or the “winter vacation”. Isn’t it great that we now have public schools celebrating the winter solstice, just like our good buddies the Druids used to do! School administrators have all become their own little Supreme Court justices in deciding what exactly the un-constitutional phrase “The separation of Church and state” really means. How beautiful is that? Being ashamed of HIS NAME is exactly what we want, Mark 8:38 notwithstanding. Our good buddies in the ACLU are always there to enforce our wishes, and that is a great thing – An expensive lawsuit at the mere mention of HIS name…How great is that? Next, we will work on taking away all chapels on military bases that use taxpayer dollars to pay for religious ceremonies, & on Veterans Administration cemeteries that not only allow taxpayer funded religious ceremonies on their public property, but also allow crosses and stars of David to be placed on tombstones. And the US Congress still allows prayers to be said at the opening of each session, even though these same kind of prayers are verboten in public schools. The US Supreme Court recently ruled that prayers before football games are “unconstitutional”, even though they had been said for 100 years in the US before football games prior to their ruling. Amazingly, the test case was from a town in Texas called “Santa Fe”, a name which means “Holy Faith”! How ironic was that? Maybe in the future we can get them to outlaw the name of the town too! We could even get them to outlaw the saintly name “San Francisco”, and call it “Frank”! The hypocrisy and irony here is delicious, but we must also eliminate Congressional prayers too. This same Congress once purchased bibles for their troops, but we put a stop to that! Now, the bible is a banned book in public schools. Banning books worked well for us in Germany in the 1930’s, and it serves us well in this century also! This same Congress also has proclaimed national days of prayer, and created holidays for Thanksgiving and Christmas, two very religious state holidays. But now, we have turned those days mostly into shopping and gluttony days. They may sing “HIM Bless America”, and their motto may be “In HIM We Trust”, but they really turn to us more than HIM, with their love of pornography, football on HIS Sabbath, love of money, watching R rated movies and TV shows, suing everyone who wrongs them (instead of praying for them), etc. They put more faith in their retirement plan and in winning the lottery than they do on HIM to take care of them. We also have become very successful at politicizing moral issues that the Christians think are so important, like homosexuality, embryonic stem cell research, cloning, the right to life, and now the right to a doctor-assisted suicide. One political party says that they are human rights, and the other political party says that they go against HIS will. We even have Catholic politicians leading our charge for secular humanism, because we have actually made them believe that they know more than the official teachings of their Church. “Ye shall be your own infallible Pope” is what they believe, because they are soooo smart and clever, you see, just like me! (Let’s hope they never read Numbers 16:3-33 and find out what happens to people who challenge the spiritual authority of their leader). Man, this is real fun to watch. Bring on the lions and the coliseum one more time!

28. The Silence of HIS lambs

And have you noticed lately how we have been successful in making the Christians silent in the face of mounting adversity? A lot of the so-called Christians now think that it is more important to “not offend anyone” with their “personal” religious views, rather than to boldly proclaim HIS name and HIS glory and HIS teachings, like he commanded them in Mark 13:11. HE told them that they would be persecuted for their belief in HIM, just like HE was, in John 15:20, and HE even said that they would be blessed for this persecution in Matthew 5:10-12, but they are such cowards nowadays that they forget what their alleged “Master” told them. HIS Church is indeed a sleeping giant, whose members are more concerned about personal comfort and security than they are about proclaiming HIS gospel. They believe, thanks to us, that it is better to keep silent and to blend in with secular society, than it is to speak up for HIM. They may slink off to Mass on Sunday, but that’s about it for their homage to HIM for the week. Paul even told them to imitate him in 2 Thessalonians 3:7 & 9, but we have managed to make most Christians, including their Bishops and Cardinals, afraid to speak out, because they will be labeled as intolerant bigots by our buddies in the media if they do, in spite of HIS command to ALL of HIS followers in Mark 16:15. We intimidate, and they don’t imitate, you see. We have even incited the homosexuals and the muslims to violence if they become “offended” at what Christians say and believe. However, a few of the Christians do speak out with their words and their deeds, like the pro-lifers who pray in front of abortion clinics, but most of them are NOT the true successors to the men and women who were eaten alive by the lions in Rome for speaking out against emperor worship. Rather, they are the “go-along-to-get-along” crowd, who think that it’s better to be “nice” than to boldly proclaim HIS gospel like Paul did. And not speaking out in the face of horrible abominations makes them complicit with the abominations. Paul paid for it with his head, and this scares most Christians into total silence, because they think that a long life without offending anyone is better than a short life which proclaims HIS word no matter what, Mark 8:35 notwithstanding. And that is great in our eyes – The atheists sue them in court, the media belittles them as intolerant bigots, the homosexuals attack them, the secular “Christians” laugh at them, the muslims kill them, and so the remaining Christians just shutup accordingly. The persecutions have begun yet again! Those guys up there who spoke out in Revelation 6:10 must sure be anxious right about now!

29. Foolin’ Around

One of the best ways to get your human down here is to create in his mind the notion that “foolin’ around” is fun, normal, and good. Whether it’s fornication, adultery, getting drunk, or just staying home with a good porno mag, fooling around is a sure fire (!) way of pulling them away from HIM and down here to us. HE told them in one of HIS Commandments that adultery was strictly forbidden, but a lot of humans don’t really care what Moses said. In Wisdom 3:16, HE even warns them that the children of adulterers will not come to maturity. Just ask King David about his first kid with Bathsheeba! In Matthew 5:28, HE even says that adultery with a woman consists of merely looking on her with a lustful heart, and we have many men, even Christian ones, doing this on a regular basis with our great magazines and internet sites. A lot of humans also commit adultery through divorce and remarriage, which HE said in Luke 16:18 was not to be done. Adultery is easier to accomplish if we first get the wife to nag her husband on a regular basis; Proverbs 21:9 even warns women about what it is like for a man to live with a nagging wife. And the single humans don’t get a pass either, because of fornication, which is also forbidden in Ephesians 5:5. In Proverbs 7, HE even warns the humans that a man who lies with a loose woman is like an ox that is unknowingly led to slaughter, and that his liaison will cost him his life. So they have been warned, and they have no excuses. If your human is introverted and afraid of women, then we use the porno route. Spilling their seed also makes HIM mad; just ask Onan from Genesis 38:8-10! Masturbation makes them even more introverted and less loving, and that sets the stage for a ruined life in HIS eyes, because HE wants them to love more, not less. And BTW, it is a lot easier to get your humans to lie with one another if we manage to get them drunk first, which HE strictly forbade in 1 Corinthians 6:9-10. However, thanks to the phenomenen known as the “good old boy”, drinking contests are pretty common nowadays, especially at colleges. It’s become a rite of passage for males to try to outdrink everyone else. They are very correct, BTW, when they sing “In heaven there is no beer”, and we want them to drink as much of it as they can to accomplish My unholy Will. We can usually get a few of them to die in car wrecks on the way home, and then we drag them down here for our supper. If they don’t die, then we get them tossed in jail for DWI for a few years, and ruin their lives that way. The secret to all of this anti-HIM activity is to first implant the “party spirit” in their minds, which Paul talked about in Galatians 5:19-21. HE told then in 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 that their bodies are not to be used for immorality, that they are a temple to HIS SPIRIT, and that they are to be used to glorify HIM. But thanks to us, their drunken, lustful bodies are a pleasure palace in honor of hell instead. So let the orgies begin!

30. Saintmakers

And please remember to implant thoughts of hate and unforgiveness in your human’s psyche toward other people who have hurt them psychologically, physiologically, or spiritually over the years. These injurious people are what we call “saintmakers”. Why? Because if they want to be with HIM when they die, they not only have to forgive these people who have wronged them in their past, they have to love them too. In other words, they must become saintly and forgive, forgive, forgive, EVERYONE, from their heart, even those irritable people that have wronged them over the years. It is especially devilish to see humans not forgive one another because of money misunderstandings. HE said in Matthew 6:24 that humans cannot serve HIM and money, and it is a lot of fun to watch them hate each other over financial shenanigans. When they hate each other over the decades of their life, and refuse to forgive one another because of money, that is fuel for our fire! HE taught them to pray “Forgive us our trespasses AS we forgive those who trespass against us”, but most of them just rattle off that prayer without thinking about what they are actually saying. In other words, if they only forgive the person who hurt them 30%, then HE only forgives them 30% for their transgressions. It would seem that humans fashion their own personal salvation measuring rod for themselves, based totally on how they forgive others. HE even told them about that in Mark 4:24; that is, the measure they give to others will be the same measure that they get in return. They may claim that HE is their master, but they sure don’t like to emulate what HE did from the cross; that is, HE forgave HIS torturers and murderers completely from the cross, because they didn’t know what they were doing, HE said. It actually makes a lot of the humans feel good to not ever forgive their own personal tormentors, and some even hate their own kin. HE said in 1 John 3:15, that if you hate your brother, then you are no better than a murderer who is hell bound. And that is exactly what we want. We know that every time a human wills in his or her mind to hate someone who has done them wrong, that it is like him holding a rattlesnake in his hand and letting it bite him. After a while, the poison from our bites causes not only more moral blindness and hate, but it also creates physical ailments like high blood pressure, arthritis, and cancer. This is exactly what we want – making them feel good through hate and unforgiveness, shortening their miserable life through diseases as a result, and then opening our trap door and dragging them down here to eternal misery and hate when they least expect it! He actually warned them about all of this, in Matthew 18:23-35, in the parable of the massive debtor who was forgiven his debt by his king, but who then went out and beat up someone who owed him a fraction of what he had just been forgiven for. But thanks be to me, most people never even read this parable any more, and if they do read it, they don’t try to apply it to their own personal life. HE told Peter to forgive 70 x 7 times, which means unlimited, but in today’s modern world, hardly anyone forgives anyone, except for that old Polish Pope who completely forgave his assassin. But hardly anyone emulates him either, because you see, their particular hurt and angst is SO much more than being shot and wounded!

31. Gossip and Slander

And keep your humans talking about other humans. This seems to be one of their favorite pastimes – talking bad about your neighbors, your boss, and your spouse, all behind their backs. He forbade all of this in HIS book, but so what? The humans like to ridicule other people who are different, who are better off, who are worse off, who are in financial straits, who are trapped in our sexual depravity, and those who have done them wrong. Old Peter the Rock warned them in 1 Peter 3:10 about keeping their tongue from evil and their lips from guile if they want to live long, but so what? Even James in his epistle, James 1:26, says that their religion is in vain if they don’t bridle their tongue. James even compares the human tongue to a forest fire and poison in James 3:5-8. Paul, in Romans 1:29-32, compares gossip to a lot of other great evils of ours:

“They were filled with all manner of wickedness, evil, covetousness, malice. Full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malignity, they are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Though they know God’s decree that those who do such things deserve to die, they not only do them but approve those who practice them.”

HE also said in Matthew 12:36-37 that I tell you, on the Day of Judgment men will render account for every careless word they utter; for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”

It is so hilarious to see the humans receive HIM on their tongues during Mass, and then use those same tongues to curse, slander, and gossip the rest of the week. They really don’t get it, I guess, that to profane a sacred object, like the tongue after Holy Communion, is not exactly going to get them a ticket upstairs after they die. Of course, if they really believed, really believed, that their entire body (which, of course, includes the tongue) is a temple to the Holy Spirit, then they would use their whole body to glorify HIM through loving their neighbor, instead of cursing their neighbor. But most of the humans prefer our slander to HIS love, so that is yet another way we get them down here.

Even old Sirach, back in the Old Testament, Sirach 5:13-14, warns the humans about slander and the severe condemnation that comes to the double tongued. No, we want them praising HIM with their tongue one minute, and slandering their stupid boss the next. Double tongued humans are ours, according to HIM!!

32. Greed

Keep your human lusting after as many of the world’s goods as you possibly can, especially whatever his neighbor has, and whatever he sees advertised on TV. Our friends on Madison Avenue create a great sense of greed in our human subjects. They have made a science out of creating fake needs for whatever it is they are selling, whether it’s the latest detergent, kitchen gadget, music collection, cars, or whatever. HE said in Luke 18:22 that if the humans wanted to be perfect, they must not only follow HIS commandments, but they must also sell all that they have and then go and follow HIM. Most humans do just the opposite; they buy, buy, and buy, more, more, and more. We love making the humans disobey his commands by making the reverse of what HE said to do seem normal, right and good. HE warned them in Psalm 10:3 that the man who is greedy for gain curses and renounces HIM, but they don’t care as long as they are “comfortable” in this life, surrounded by all of their “things”. In 1 Corinthians 5:10, Paul even compares greed as being equal to immorality, idolatry, blasphemy, getting drunk, and robbery, but so what? He even comes right out and says in 1 Corinthians 6:10 that the greedy will NOT be entering heaven. It would seem that the humans cannot take anything with them to heaven, except what they gave away in their earthly life!!!

33. Catholic Universities

One of our great success stories in recent years has been to secularize Catholic Universities, even those named after HER. We have instilled a great deal of pride in their priest presidents, and we whisper in their ears that it is more important to be loved and adored by the liberal intelligentsia and the media than it is to be true to their own 2000 year old teachings. We have turned many of these universities into “obedience-free zones”, so that the local bishop or archbishop has absolutely no say in what speakers come to their campus, including pro-abortion ones. This creates a lot of confusion in the mind of weak minded Catholics, who don’t understand why a priest, college president or not, can just do his own thing, when no priest off campus can do that. In one university in Washington DC, the President of the USA demanded that the crucifix be covered up in the background while he was speaking, and the university obeyed him like one of my demons taking an order from me. No, it is more important for university presidents and their board to bow down to the power of the Presidency than to bow down to HIM. This, they think, makes them broad minded and open to new ideas, because, after all, this is the 21rst century and tolerance of evil is now seen as a virtue. Notice how we have flipped this upside down in the last 50 years. The university presidents have been educated into imbecility, and believe that whatever they do is OK, because, after all, they have a lot of degrees. In Indiana, the University named after HER even had rosary-saying protesters arrested. There was great joy down here below when the University President there sanctioned that, I can tell you!

34. Striking the Shepherd

One of our cleverest plots against the Christians is to strike down their priests and bishops. Of course, we can’t really strike down anyone, because of their infinite free will which HE gave them, but I really like saying it anyway. What you need to do is to find out the particular weakest link in their priests and bishops, and then place that temptation in front of their mind and eyes as much as possible. Then, when they finally give in to it, whether it’s attacking young altar boys, having an affair with a beautiful woman, or stealing money from the collection plate, about 2/3 of the people in the pews will get so upset with the church that they will leave. We did this very thing with Judas and Peter, getting them each to deny HIM in their own way, and a lot of people either left or refused to join HIS new church as a result. This philosophy of taking down the leader to scatter the flock was predicted by old Zechariah back in his book, Chapter 13, verses 7-9, I believe. Unfortunately for us, though, the remaining 1/3 of parishioners who stay will then be tested by HIM through HIS fire and come out victorious. HE even quoted Zechariah in Matthew 26:31, as if to remind HIS flock. But, the ones alive today are too stupid to even read the bible, much less meditate on it and apply it to their personal lives. Thanks to us, studying HIS Word today has been replaced with murder mysteries on TV, 3D adventure movies at the theater, and computer games. This is all great, because by keeping their infantile minds occupied with silly entertainment and noisy music 24/7 (instead of studying something that could save them from hell) they don’t even want to meditate on His Word, something which everybody already in Heaven did on a daily basis while they were still alive. And their time is growing shorter and shorter on earth, with each passing day. Soon, the “I must be entertained at all times” crowd will be down here roasting over our open fire, right next to the “I hate the Church because of the actions of its leaders” crowd. And all because we took down 4% of priests over 50 years with the altar boy scandals! Our good buddies in the secular media amplified the report so loudly, that most people believe that a majority of priests were scandalous, rather than just the 4%. Now start working on the remaining 96% of priests!

35. Good Buddies

Be sure to entice your human to sin by surrounding him with good buddies who share a lot in common. You know, the same life experiences while growing up, the same kind of humor, the same love of good-lookin’ babes, the same tastes in fast cars, etc. Once this bond is formed, it is very hard for the humans to ever break it. When HE starts working on one of his sons to forsake sin and follow HIM, the good buddy is always there to put peer pressure on him to drink more beer, to cheat on his wife, and to stay out late shooting pool. This peer pressure is so great at times, that the humans usually forsake HIM and choose us and our worldly temptations. After all, nobody wants to be uncool and to look like a holy Joe in front of their drinkin’ buds. We have a lot of “good ol’ boys” down here in hell, who just yesterday were scoping out the chicks in the girlie mags, and who were throwing their beer bottles out the truck window, trying to hit the STOP sign as they were running it. It’s a HELL of a note that there was another car running that same stop sign coming from the other direction. And when they get down here in our hellfire, they all say the same things: “Why me?” “There’s been a mistake.” “Nobody told me about hell.” “I want to go back to my Mom.” etc., etc., etc. I get so tired of hearing the same things from them over and over. HE warned them all about hell in HIS book, the TV is full of preachers talking about us, and there are churches just about everywhere. No, they have no excuses, and once they’re down here, there is no escape ever from our torments. What did they think? That they would live forever? That they could repent at the last minute when they were 85? As they live, so shall they die. And when they sin a lot, we down here get to decide when they die! After all, since they reject HIM and his austere way of living, there is one and only one other choice for their Lord and Master….The very dynamic, ultracool, and very HOT, Me!

36.Keep them busy

Ever notice how the humans today are so busy with unimportant things? There’s soccer practice, going out to eat, work, TV, family affairs, shopping, computer games, etc., etc., etc. Many of the humans are so busy with these pursuits that they will never find the time to do HIS work – Feeding the poor, giving drink to the thirsty, clothing the naked, visiting the prisoners, praying for their enemies, etc. This is all great news for us, especially since HE even spelled it out for them in Matthew 25:31-46 about the importance of doing these corporal works of mercy (I really hate even saying that!) if they want to go to heaven. No, they prefer the busy things of this world much more than the things HE told them in Matthew’s gospel that they had to do in order to attain heaven. And they busier they are, the better. For sure, we do not want them ever to read about their judgment to come in Matthew 25:31-46, so keep on keepin’ on with emphasizing in their minds the many worldly things that occupy their time. And always make them believe that it is enough for them to only profess their belief in him, rather than on the necessity of performing good works as a fruit of their faith. He told them in Romans 2:6 that he will render to every man according to his works. AND not only that, HE reemphasized it in Revelation 20:13 that they will be judged …by …what …they …had …DONE! HE didn’t curse the barren fig tree for nothing.

37. Depression

When one of your humans sins sufficiently, we then have the power to give him one of our greatest gifts, the gift of depression. This is a state of the soul that says that life is meaningless, that there is no hope for the future, and it’s better to be dead than alive. In this state, the humans really believe that the sad way they are now is the way that they will be forever if they stay alive. We have convinced a lot of psychiatrists that this is a mental state only, rather than one of the soul. We know that the mind and the soul are linked together like fire and heat. So we then get these doctors to load up the depressed person with drugs and counselling. Of course, these things help, but since the real cause of this disease is that of the soul, these actions are only halfway measures. Once they turn to HIM through prayer, fasting, and the sacraments, HE then takes over their life and this state of the soul disappears; thus the human then becomes even stronger in the faith. So you must suggest to him or her to kill themselves while in this depressed state. One of HIS saints, John of the Cross, referred to a similar state of prayer as “the dark night of the soul”, when HE withdraws all spiritual consolation to see if the human can stand on his own two feet through the sacraments, prayer, and self denial. In other words, HE does this to see if they walk by faith, not by sight. This is similar to when a child leaves the family household to strike out on his own, after he has sufficiently been brought up and cared for by a loving family. Of course, HE is always with them no matter what, they just can’t see HIM or feel HIS love. HE went through a similar state of being on the cross, when HE said, “My God, My God, why hast thou forsaken me?” And when HE was undergoing this depressed state of the soul in the garden of Gethsemane, we even caused HIM to sweat blood by showing HIM all of the sins of all of the generations of humans that HE had to atone for on the cross. It’s truly amazing that HE chose the arrest, the chains, the hits, the insults, the rejection by HIS own priests, condemnation by the Romans and King Herod, the scourges, the mocking of the soldiers, the crown of thorns, the carrying of the cross, the beatings, the nails in HIS hands and feet, and the 3 hours of agony on the cross before HE died. This sacrifice opened up the gates of Heaven that had been shut since the one sin of Adam and Eve, the sin of disobedience. How many people today now disobey HIS church on birth control and abortion? A lot, praise be to me, the very first disobedient one! If they only knew what awaits them down here for their disobedience – Eternal depression, which makes what HE went through during HIS Passion seem like a walk in the park! After all, HE had it written down for them in Luke 10:16 that “He who hears you hears me, and he who rejects you rejects me, and he who rejects me rejects him who sent me”, but most people today look down on HIS Church, which means of course, that they look down on HIM, which is exactly what we want.

38. POWER !

Personally, I like giving the humans power, and the more unlimited the power, the better. We did this with Pharaoh, Herod, Hitler, and Stalin, and look at how they used their power over other humans for our benefit. Millions were enslaved, tortured, and killed. Others, however, can still work for our benefit with lesser power, or at least the craving for it. These lower humans use their power to climb to the top of their business world while stabbing their “friends” in the back to do so. They love the art of making business deals, wheeling and dealing, building, demolishing, always on the phone, making lots of money, looking down their noses at people who aren’t like them, hating people who are like them, etc., and all the while ignoring their family. Like a little toddler, they cry and whine when they don’t get their own way. Their very existence depends on this type of busy, busy, busy, life support. They will travel to the ends of the earth to make a buck, but would never even think to walk across the street to humbly acknowledge HIM in HIS tabernacle. They actually like living in our world, er, I mean, their world of busy finance (sorry, my Freudian slip was showing). And if anyone gets in their way, it’s lawyers and lawsuits, something HE warned against in Luke 11:46, 1 Corinthians 6:7, and James 2:6. These power-hungry humans also know that along with power comes unlimited sex should they so desire it, because humans of the opposite sex find power to be very attractive. We encourage this unlimited fornication through power by placing a lot of these types of people together in the office these days. These control freaks (it’s my way or the highway) which include a lot of HIS clergy, by the way, really believe that it is more important to gain the whole world, and never even think about losing their souls (Mark 8:36) in the process. Accomplishing really big things while they are alive feeds their ego and is even an aphrodisiac to some. They never even think to pray for HIS power, which is unlimited grace. He regularly dispenses this invisible power in HIS Mass, HIS book, HIS sacraments, and in HER rosary, but most humans can’t see it, so they don’t believe in it. Seeing is believing after all, we tell them on a regular basis, even though at Mass they repeat that they believe in “all things seen and unseen”. Our power is in pride, HIS power is in humility. The more humble the humans, like Moses (Numbers 12:3), the more HE can accomplish in them. To our great pride, more people want to be rich CEOs than HIS trusting, humble servants. The good news is that some really believe they can be both, which HE told them they couldn’t, in Matthew 6:24 and Matthew 12:25. No, the real power that we show them is the power of this world – money, earthquakes, tsunamis, volcanoes, floods, nuclear bombs, science, control, lightning, gravity, business deals, jet airplanes, etc. No one wants to believe that there is unlimited power that they can access, freely given, waiting for the asking, in the form of grace. They want earthly power now, and so that’s what we give them. Of course, we get their souls in the end, but since they never even think about their own deaths, who cares? Certainly not the humans, that’s for sure, at least not until it’s too late. Like a deer attracted to the molasses and corn at the deer feeder, they are attracted to our power. And they never suspect that there is a hunter waiting for them at that deer feeder who wants to kill and eat them. It is so funny to see the expression on their faces when we throw them into our lake of fire. They simply can’t believe that a lifetime of ignoring HIM and HIS dictates while pursuing their own personal desires could land them here. The funniest expressions are on the ones that tried to have it both ways, the fence straddlers. Some of HIS followers do know, however, that every Mass they attend and every communion they receive speaks for them at their judgment while we are accusing them of their sins, so be sure to work on them about how busy they need to be during the week, especially watching stock market updates on TV all the time, so that they will never even think about attending daily Mass for their “daily bread”. The ones that do attend daily Mass start to form an invisible shield around them that makes it harder for our temptations to get through. With these kind of humans, you have to be much more subtle in your approach. I would suggest using the “spiritual pride” approach by planting in their minds that they are holier than everyone else, which immediately negates any spiritual benefit they get. Happy hunting! The harvest is rich today!

39. The Unholy Trinity

Praise be to me, for I have come up with the perfect brainwashing plan for HIS look-a-likes. My plan all along was to infiltrate their minds with my unholy trinity of Madison Avenue advertising, Hollywood suggestive movies, and Wall Street greed. The first, Madison Avenue advertising, implants in their brains the need to buy lots of junk that they don’t really need. We work overtime having our people come up with great jingles, sexy imagery, and envious imaginary needs that cause humans to not only buy our stuff that they don’t really need, but also to go deep in debt. Getting the latest and greatest gadget and gizmo they see on TV is now something they HAVE to do. HE said that if they wanted to be perfect, that they should sell all that they have, give it to the poor, and then go and follow HIM. Our Madison Avenue approach creates just the opposite thoughts in their minds. The second, Hollywood suggestive movies, is a no brainer. Now people would rather watch bloody gory movies about evil than saccharine sweet “family movies”. The one caveat here is if the movie is bloody and gory and is about HIS Passion, the intelligentsia will warn against seeing it for all of its blood and gore. No hypocrisy there, I assure you….Have I ever lied to you before? I think not! And when the blood and gore movies stop being attractive, we bombard them with nudity, fornication, and adultery, all with no real-world consequences. Just let them try unlimited sex in their world, and HE lowers the boom on them. But we hide this cause-and-effect relationship from them in the movies, so that they confuse our fantasy with HIS reality, actually believing that there will be no repercussions from their sexual dalliances with porn, the woman at the office, or our nudies on the big screen. HE said to even look on a woman with lust was to commit adultery with her, and thanks be to Hollywood, most men have committed adultery with thousands of beautiful women on the big screen. The third member of our unholy trinity, of course, is the best, because even the Christians find no fault with participating in Wall Street greed. There is no sin in investing, of course, but some become so obsessed with it, that it negates HIS effect in their lives. A lot of Christians believe that it is more important to be rich and comfortable in this life, especially in their retirement, rather than to totally trust in HIM for everything. In other words, thanks be to me, in their minds it is OK to put more faith in their 401K than in HIM, Luke 12:16-21 notwithstanding. HE said that it was impossible to serve HIM and money, but thanks be to Wall Street greed, a lot of people actually believe that they can. As one of our famous movie characters once said, “Greed is good”!

40. Progressivism

Our progressive smoke has now entered the Church, as Pope Paul VI once said, praise be to me. We now have high level priests and bishops who aren’t exactly preaching the Catholic party line. These guys now openly advocate for homosexual priests, women priests, married priests, abortion on demand, and artificial birth control. Our arch-enemy, Father Amorth (the Vatican exorcist), recently revealed all of this in an interview, but since so many enlightened (I really love that word) people find the whole idea of an exorcist rather strange, hardly anybody paid attention to what he said. What we want to do to HIS church is exactly the same as we did to Henry VIII’s church – make it so compassionate and “diverse” that it stands for nothing and is totally inept in standing up to us and our filth. We want them to go-along-to-get-along. After all, this is the 21rst century, and sin can be redefined with a simple majority vote, like the followers of Martin Luther recently did in the US. Scripture is whatever they think it says, rather than what it actually says. Currently, HIS Church boldly stands up to the rotten culture of the day, saying no to just about everything we propose and spineless politicians enact into law. Our good buddies in the media and in the newspapers now regularly attack the Pope and HIS Church. One of our greatest agents in England recently said that the Pope should be arrested! The stage is indeed being set for a great showdown between our friends in the secular world and HIS people in the Vatican. Strike the shepherd, and watch the flock scatter. We like that, because once they scatter and lose the power of HIS sacraments, they are much easier for us to pick off and drag down here for our supper. And the beauty of it all is that we did this by infiltrating HIS church with our homosexual priests who preyed on altar boys.

41. Addictions

Praise be to me, we now have a lot of humans in a state of addiction. This inordinate attachment to the pleasures of our, I mean, this, world, automatically drives them away from HIM and towards us. We now have them addicted to many of our earthly delights, like porn, food, sex, gambling, alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, movies, TV, the occult, etc. And the beauty of it all is that we have created an atmosphere that says to them that it is all just harmless fun. After all, we whisper to their psyche that they are only human, and what’s the harm in indulging yourself just one more time? You can always quit tomorrow, we say. Of course, once their minds and their bodies become accustomed to our sweet manure, they can never stop on their own. They have to totally, totally, totally, 1000%, embrace HIS Word, HIS sacraments, HIS humility in prayer and actions, and HER rosary to overcome their addiction. In other words, they have to give their minds, their bodies, their souls, their thoughts, their words, and their deeds over to HIM. Most will never embarass themselves by doing this, because of peer pressure from their buddies, and most are too proud to ask for help. They tend to struggle alone, and try to overcome their escapist trip to the dark side all by themselves, which only tends to prolong their sweet misery. By the time they finally ask for help, their lives are a complete mess. Praise be to me again, for I have created the thought process in their minds that it is a sign of weakness to ask for help in overcoming addictions. “Pull yourselves up by your own bootstraps”, I say! For sure, HE wants them to help each other, but nowadays hardly anyone does that anymore, unless it’s for money. No, when they struggle alone, they are ours; When they humbly ask for help, they are HIS. Be sure that you whisper to them that HER rosary is just mindless repetition, and that it is a total waste of time to say it. NEVER let the humans become aware of its binding power over us like a chain. It galls me to no end when HE sends HER to protect them from me whenever they say their rosary. It’s just not fair.

42. The Right to Choose

All glory and honor to me for wordsmithing the humans into total imbecility. The “Right to Choose” is one of the best phrases that we have come up with since we invented the term “The Enlightenment” (HE told them that we can disguise ourselves as angels of light, in 2 Corinthians 11:14, and our deception with “the enlightenment” sure fooled a lot of humans into choosing science and reason over faith). Of course, no woman believes that a man has “the right to choose” rape or murder, but praise be to me, a lot of women believe that it’s OK to “choose” to kill their very much alive baby in the womb. After all, it’s a right enshrined in their constitution (never ask exactly where in the constitution it is, though). We hate these baby humans because they are made in HIS image and likeness, rather than mine, so take them out we must. HE said in Psalm 139 that HE knits them together in their mother’s womb (now just exactly how can she be a “mother” before the baby is born?). Jeremiah says in chapter 1 of his book that HE knew Jeremiah before HE even formed HIM in the womb, and that HE consecrated Jeremiah before he was born. This should be a hint to the female humans that their “fetus” (another great dehumanizing term) has a purpose in life, but thanks to the Supreme Court, that purpose will never be realized in a lot of cases, thanks to abortion “laws” (laws that were never passed in Congress are the best kind. We love judicial fiats!). Old John the Baptist leaped for joy in his mother’s womb at the sound of HER voice, it says in Luke 1:44. This should also be a hint to the mothers who kill their progeny that “unviable tissue masses” experience emotions, and are very much alive. We devils so enjoy interrupting the co-creation that goes on between HIM and HIS humans. HE really loves creating babies, but now, a lot of females would rather kill them before they are born, which is exactly what we in hell want. These humans really prefer bigger cars, bigger houses, fancier vacations, etc., over HIS greatest gift of life. It is funny to see the humans create a new “right” that is the complete opposite of HIS dictate to man to “go forth and multiply”. Man now says “Go forth and murder!” Old Pharoah and King Herod would be so proud of America today, taking up where they left off, killing innocent babies. HE predicted these days would happen when HE said Luke 23:29: “For behold, the days are coming when they will say, `Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bore, and the breasts that never gave suck!” Just imagine if we can get the humans to “choose” to ignore paying taxes, “choose” to ignore the speed limits, “choose” to ignore marriage vows, etc. What a wonderful world that would be! After all, we say, it’s a free country, and everyone has the right to do whatever they want to do, whenever they want to do it. “Do as thou will” is our only commandment. Having 6 billion people on earth all deciding for themselves what morality is our goal. We don’t want anyone signing up to a set of common principles, which will create order instead of our chaos. The “right to choose”… never let them complete that sentence!

43. Night Terrors

It is so much fun to terrorize the humans while they sleep. We sneak into their rooms while they are trying to sleep, and put all kinds of dark and sombre thoughts into their brains. Some of the more highly attuned ones catch a glimpse of us out of the corner of their eyes while we are coming and going, but that is the exception. We love to get on top of them in bed and hold them down, which their doctors refer to as “sleep paralysis”. They can’t seem to move, and they can’t seem to holler out for help. If they only knew the power of blessed objects in their room that would keep us from getting in there in the first place! But most of them think that blessed objects are superstitious or something. Some of the humans have gotten wise to us and keep a blessed picture of HER in their room, and they say HER prayer when they feel our oppression. Some even get scary tingles down the back of their neck when they sense us in the room, but these prayers invoking HER protection are more than we can take. And we really don’t have a devil’s chance in heaven if they sprinkle HIS holy water around their room and house periodically. That stuff is like rat poison to us, so be saved-sure to keep implanting in their minds that there is NO difference between holy water and regular water. It’s not the water we are concerned with, but the blessing on the water that gives us fits. We especially like to late-night terrorize humans who look at porn and commit other sexual sins in their beds, so keep advertising the coolness of these sins to your humans. Your 3 AM intrusions will be a lot more fun for you!

44. Old Age

For the record, I hate letting the sinful humans live to be old. The sooner we get them down here, the better. Some have mid-life crises that cause them to revert back to the faith of their youth, and this state for us is worse than it was when they were kids and just going through the motions for their parents’ benefit. Now they realize that there is such a thing as hell on earth for living a sinful lifestyle, and they can’t imagine what hell in hell must be like, so they reform their lives accordingly. Of course, we do let a lot of public sinners live long lives, especially pornographers, so that they can be role models for the youth and young adults, who look at these public sinners and then try to emulate them, because, after all, they are old and having a great time with the chicks! And when we combine that attitude (of course, there is never a guarantee that the young sinful imitators will live past tomorrow!) with the thought that they can always repent later (most never do!), then we have the perfect combination – a sinful human who doesn’t know that as he lives, so shall he die. The thing that a lot of men and women don’t realize is that the longer they are alive, the more the world wears them down. And if they don’t receive HIS graces through HIS daily bread and HIS confessional on a regular basis, then they start to get worldly. The niceness that they used to exhibit on a regular basis when they were younger is now replaced by meanness. They become self centered and more concerned about themselves than for the welfare of others, especially their siblings and in-laws. Why? Because they think that this world is all there is, and they need to grab as much of it as possible NOW. This state of being is just the opposite of those who regularly visit HIS church and who pray for others. It is a lot of fun to see these two types of people in the same family. Neither of them can understand the other one, and the mean ones always try to take advantage of the meek and humble ones, a lot of times over money and property, through lawsuits. The mean ones thing that the religious ones are stupid for believing in a 2000 year old dead guy (they also hate them for this belief), and the religious ones think that the mean ones have lost their minds, because they love money more than them. This breaks up a lot of families. Sometimes we throw in mind diseases like dementia and Alzheimer’s to go along with their body diseases of arthritis and cancer, just for fun. When a partner of a spouse discovers that his lover no longer has control of the mind that makes for interesting times. HE wants people to never forsake each other, even when their minds fail (Sirach 3). And most humans don’t realize that as they try to find their niche in the world through work, money, pleasure, leisure, etc., that just the opposite is true – The world finds its niche in them! And that is EXACTLY what we want!

45. The Graveyard

One of the things I hate is when your human visits his ancestor’s grave and prays for his soul. It’s bad enough that his prayers are alleviating the pain and suffering his dead relative is currently undergoing in purgatory, which HE refers to as purification. But when he is through with his prayers and glances at the other tombstones in the cemetery, he may notice that a lot of the headstones have birth dates engraved on them that indicate that some dead people are younger than he is. This sudden realization that others who were born after him are now dead may awaken in him the thought that the ground he is currently standing on could be his final resting place, sooner rather than later. This is exactly what we do not want. We want the humans to really believe that death is something that happens to other people, but not to him. Death is for those stupid people who allowed themselves to either get old and die, or who were stupid enough to have an accident at an early age. We want him to think that he will live forever, and that the great way that things are now will always be. Once he realizes that he is not guaranteed a tomorrow, or even a tonight, he may change his life and get serious about his religion. We want them thinking that they can have it both ways – living the free and easy life 6 days of the week, and then going to church on Sunday. A lot of them think that this is what Christianity is all about, rather than a 7 day a week commitment to HIM and HIS teachings. And that is so funny, because perfection in an activity, hobby, or pursuit in life can never be achieved unless it is practiced a lot, and on most days of the week. And by the way, HIS Church offers them a get out of jail free card, known as an indulgence, if they visit a cemetery and pray for the dead during the first 8 days of November, the month of the Holy Souls. Make saved-sure that your human doesn’t do this, and make sure that he doesn’t sprinkle holy water on the graves, which the dead in purgatory find to be very comforting. I really hate holy water, because the exorcism blessing that it contains lessens our power. And the terrible thing is if they do visit cemeteries and pray for the dead, then when they die, HE will make sure that others who come along after their death will do the same for them at their grave. I really don’t think that’s fair.

46. Watching the News

One of the great things that we have accomplished is our takeover of journalism and the news. Now, journalists broadcast their secular personal opinion of the news, rather than just giving the facts. Angry talking heads on TV now have segments called “The worst person in the world”, and they glare into the TV like a wolf looking at a chicken. They think that because they think something is true, then that makes it true. And we have convinced these so-called “journalists” that the Catholic Church is evil, with its stances against abortion, homosexuality, assisted suicide, cloning, and artificial birth control. So the journalists regularly attack HIS Church and HIS Pope by painting the picture that it is only the Catholic Church which has a problem with child abuse. They refuse to cover the exact same issue with public schools and in the family, where over 50% of the abuse occurs. No, they paint the picture that it is celibacy that is the reason the kids are abused, even though Paul recommended celibacy as a way of life in 1 Corinthians 7:8. Strangely, a lot of the same people who say that celibate homosexual priests who attack altar boys would be cured of this if they could marry women also say that homosexuals were born that way and can never be cured!!!!! This is all great for us, of course. Anybody that attacks the Church attacks HIM, as it says in Luke 10:16. We really love it when journalists do our bidding under the guise of selective “investigative journalism”. People who watch these attack shows start to get brainwashed and actually believe what our biased gasbags have to say about HIS Church. Thanks be to me, many people who call themselves Catholics, including nuns and priests, get on these shows and badmouth their very own Church. Our good buddy Judas would be proud.

47. The Poor

Be sure to incite a horror of the poor in your humans. HE said that whatever the humans did for the least of HIS brothers, they did it to HIM, in Matthew 25, I believe. But thanks be to me, most humans revile at the sight of a bum, or beggar, or hobo, or bag lady, or whatever self-righteous derogatory term they come up with for the poor. Put prideful thoughts in your humans’ minds that they made it through hard work and have a nice job, so what’s the big deal about the poor? They should also go to school and get an education and a job. If you can get them to actually tell the poor to “get a job”, that is even better. Don’t let the well off people of the world suspect for a moment that everything they have is a gift from HIM, and has nothing to do with their own resourcefulness. Their very mind, their ability to memorize massive amounts of data in college textbooks, their looks, their physical skills, etc., that allowed them to get a diploma and to get ahead in the world came from HIM, not from themselves. I truly love self righteous humans, because they are hellbound. And don’t let them on to the fact that the poor were brought into the world under much worse circumstances than they were, which certainly inhibits their ability to go to college and “get a job”. Place the thought in the rich ones’ psyches that their money, job, status, and power make them “better” than the stinky, dirty, and drunk poor of the world. Of course, HE made them rich and well off so that they would help the poor, but instead most of them tend to spend the money on themselves, rather than on HIS lowly subjects. Most of the well off ones won’t even donate to the poor over the internet, because they love our money more than HIS poor. We know that a poor person is like a diamond in the mud; which, of course, is still a diamond. HE wants them to pick up that diamond in the mud, clean it up, and polish it. We, on the other hand, want the well-off humans to leave the diamond in the mud, which not only hurts them for doing nothing, but also hurts the poor who remain muddy. Most humans would quickly pick up a dirty $100 bill in the mud, clean it up, and go spend it. Not so much the dirty poor, though, because most humans love money and use people, rather than the other way around. That one nun in Calcutta who got away from us once said that she saw the face of HIM in the poor, but thanks be to me, we now have our robots, the atheists, mocking her and her religion. They will make a fine supper for us one day down here.

48. Feminism vs. Femininity

During the last century, we devils were very successful at militarizing the females of the human species. We turned very soft, beautiful, loving females into very hard, demanding, power-loving females. This intimidated a lot of men into becoming less masculine, so that they would not offend these “male wanna-be” females. Isn’t that great? Women who want to be men, and men who want to be less male. HE said in HIS book, in Genesis 1:27, I believe, that male and female he made them. Now, thanks to us, a lot of the traditional male/female roles have either been reversed or done away with. Of course, there is nothing wrong with working females, as that is sometimes a necessity. But we took that and ran with it to the next level. Now, women work to get the nicest things that life has to offer, rather than working to make ends meet. Now, women reject HIS greatest gift by the droves, preferring to have a “comfortable” life instead of accepting more of HIS babies. “BE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY, and fill the earth and subdue it”, HE said in Genesis 1:28, but thanks be to me, a lot of women and men absolutely refuse to obey that command of their Creator. In some alleged “Christian” countries, the replacement rate for the population is in decline, which means more Muslim immigrants will take over the country in 50 years or so. Now, men are even afraid to tell a woman that she looks nice, especially after our Clarence Thomas hearings. The sad thing for us however, is that there are still a few of the soft and beautiful females around, who always excite the self-reliant men, who in turn, always excite the real females. This natural attraction of soft beautiful females to self-reliant real men is something we have to constantly be on the lookout for. We prefer the women to take advantage of the man for her personal needs, and for the man to take advantage of the woman for his personal needs. And then, when their temporary urges have been fulfilled, to just dump the partner. HE, on the other hand, wants a lifelong commitment between them, which means not only physical attraction, but lots of self sacrifice on their part for each other, all of the time, like HE did on the cross for them. Most humans only see the physical and psychological attraction in the opposite sex, thank badness, and revile at the self-sacrificing part, thanks be to me. And the good part is that a lot of them now kill their infants in the once safest place in the world for a baby, the womb of the mother. This slaughter continues unabated in the world today. HE said in Luke 23:29 – For behold, the days are coming when they will say, `Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bore, and the breasts that never gave suck!’ PROPHECY FULFILLED! We now take out the humans made in HIS image and likeness, by the millions. This is so unnecessary, because if they were made in My image and likeness instead, we would love that. The feminist says “This is my body, and I will do with it whatever I want. Keep your rosaries off of my ovaries.” The feminine ones like HER say “This is my body, be it done to me according to thy will (Luke 1:38). Say my rosary every day, for the salvation of the world.” The really funny thing to watch is how the militant females detest it when a strange man stares at them in complete adoration, after they just spent hours making themselves look beautiful. Like human males, we devils will never understand women!

49. Becoming “Successful”

One of our greatest strategies to get the humans down here in hell is to suggest to their pride that becoming successful in this life is the most important thing that there is. Being a success in life, which means fine clothes, a large bank account, fancy vacations, a huge home, being famous, being well liked by your peers, etc., then becomes an end unto itself. After all, what else could there possibly be after all of that? We know that it leaves them empty inside after they achieve their success, but while they are achieving their worldly goal, it is like a huge adrenaline rush for them. The drive to be the best ballplayer, the richest banker, the best real estate broker, the sexiest model, the smoothest singer, the funniest comic, etc., is so strong in a lot of their minds that they never even bother to think about what happens after they die. Why? Because these kind of people who strive for worldly success never even think about dying. They believe that the great way things are now, is the way things will always be, and there is nothing to worry about concerning the afterlife. Of course, if they could see the tombstones of Elvis, Howard Hughes, Babe Ruth, Marilyn Monroe, etc., they would soon realize that even the rich and famous die. We want them to ignore this reality, as well as to stop at nothing to achieve their success. A lot of them will turn to fornication, drugs, alcohol, and even the occult in their search for worldly fame as “the best”. This world is all there is in their minds. And when this world is all there is in their minds, I, the ruler of this world (John 12:31), get to have my way with them by introducing them to every vice there is, to slimy people who will get them to sin even more, and to many of my demon apprentices. Most of these Type A humans will go to the ends of the earth to participate in events, conferences, and shows that will help them to be successful, but few of them would ever think to walk across the street to pray in front of HIM in HIS tabernacle. Most humans really think that the great people of the world are the rich, beautiful, and famous ones, who pontificate all day on things they know nothing about, but because of their fame get to spout off in a public forum on TV. It’s so funny to see a beautiful person, whose only claim to fame is pretending to be somebody else in a movie, talk about climate change, population control, or the decline of the oceans, as if they had studied it in college for 10 years. It’s even funnier to see their fans listen to them, as if they were experts. We know that the really important people of the world who will be saints one day in heaven are those little, humble, unknown people who give up their time, talent, and treasure most days of the week to help the poor and downtrodden that HE cares so much about. HE even told them in Matthew 25:31-46 that helping out the poor would be their Christian ticket into heaven! That Teresa nun in India once said, to my horror, that “HE didn’t put me down here to be successful. HE put me down here to be faithful.” Let’s hope that none of the humans ever read that quote and take it to heart !

50. Electronics

And have you noticed how we have made electronic gadgets the false idols of many of the humans? Today, most humans are addicted to their TVs, or to their hand held phone/computers, or to their musical playback devices, or to their internet computer games. A lot of the humans spend hours hooked up to these machines, each and every day. HE said in Luke 10:18 that HE saw me fall like lightning from the sky, and I have now harnessed the power of that lightning for the humans’ enjoyment, and unbeknownst to them, their enslavement. When humans are actively engaged with these devices, the last thing on their minds is loving HIM and helping out HIS poor ones. Their mental engagement with these machines, in a lot of cases, is more satisfying than mental engagements with their spouse or their kids. Why? Because the humans can get these devices to do what they want them to do, while the spouse and the kids never do what they want them to do! Control, it’s what we do! Of course, some humans have figured out that they can connect to EWTN or to the Bible or to audiosancto mp3s on these devices, but they are few and far between, so keep your human away from those types of things. We want them connected to porn sites, to kill the dragonmaster sites, to crossword puzzle sites, or to whatever tickles their brain, so that they will never even think about “praying constantly” as Paul said to do in 1 Thessalonians 5:17. And the great part is that after their brains and mental faculties have been exhausted with their machine hookups all day, most of them will be too tired to ever pray, especially that mentally demanding rosary thing, which I HATE. It is funny to hear the humans say that it’s too hard to meditate on the mysteries while saying HER psalter at the same time, after they have just gotten through playing mentally demanding computer games all day. That rosary thing is like a chain that ties me up so that I can’t do what I do best – tempting humans to hate HIM!

51. Sloth

Now a word of caution here – I told all of you Beelze-bubbas earlier to keep them so busy that they wouldn’t have time for HIM. There is also the opposite approach of making them lazy, so lazy that they won’t do anything at all, except plop down in their easy chair and watch TV, or surf the ‘net for useless information, or sleep, or eat. We normally approach this through some great catastrophe in their life that tends to depress their mental state. Some will start to feel so bad because of what has happened to one of their loved ones, or to them, or to their income that they will just sit around the house and mope. You can earn extra credit with me if you can implant in their mind that the accident was their fault. This will make them feel self remorse and guilt, which is very powerful in making them want to do absolutely nothing with their lives for a very long time. As we demons know, sloth is bad for their heart, bad for their physique, and bad for their brain. But, when they feel great sadness over an event in their life, this seems to be the course of least resistance to them. For even more extra credit, see if you can get one of their alleged “loved ones” to start hollering at them to “just snap out of it”. That will enhance their slothfulness even more. Don’t let them seek out any help from anyone, especially professional counselors, priests in the confession, or family members who have been through this before. And make no mistake about it, sloth happens because the humans don’t feel wanted, or loved, or needed by “normal” people who are oblivious to their loneliness. And the more slothful they are, the more slothful they will be in the future. Alzheimer’s and demontia, er, dementia, await!

52. Syncretism

And when all else fails, try one of my favorite damnation methods, syncretism. For those of you who haven’t read my book, “Possession for Dummies”, syncretism is the combination of different philosophical and religious beliefs into one new belief system. The way we do this is to overeducate the humans, so that they know a lot about Nietzsche, Plato, Socrates, Mao, Buddha, Chopra and Oprah, Gandhi, HIM, Confucius, etc. Then we mix all of that up in their very prideful minds (after all, they have a LOT of degrees, they’ve read a lot of books, and are therefore smarter and better than everyone else, you see), so that it somehow makes sense in their minds to combine a little bit of Chopra with a little bit of HIM with a little bit of Plato with a little bit of Nietzsche, etc. What then comes out of their mouth regarding salvation is a kluge of total nonsense that only makes sense to them. They will then try to impart their wisdom to all of their Christian friends, and even ridicule them when they quote HIS book back to him. My super smart ones always take offense when someone quotes the bible back to them, because that means that the quoter is stupid and doesn’t “think for himself”, like they do. Our brainiacs put a very high premium on coming up with their own personal belief system, rather than adhering to the words of a book written millennia ago by Jews. We have a lot of these very smart people down here now, who once walked on the earth spouting their own personal view of morality. HE said in his book of 1 Corinthians chapter 1 that the wisdom of the world is folly, and that HIS cross is a stumbling block to the Jews, and folly to the Gentiles. How true that is today, when being educated in science is seen as having infinitely more value than being educated in HIS catechism. Most Catholics don’t even own a copy of HIS Catechism, so how important can it be to them (We also mix up stuff in the brains of Catholics, who love to pick and choose what they like from HIS Church. They are called “cafeteria Catholics”.)? In Matthew 11:25, HE says that HIS FATHER has hidden the things of Heaven from the wise and revealed them to HIS children. We’re not sure why he did that exactly, but we don’t really care. We get these “wisemen” down here for our nourishment on a regular basis. So please encourage your human to believe that it is more important to come up with his or her own personal brand of salvation theology than it is to obey HIS commands in HIS book. Tell them that since they came up with it on their own, then it must be 100% correct. Your models in this would be people like the Freemasons, Mohammed and Joseph Smith. Of course, coming up with your own personal beliefs would never be accepted in other educational disciples like math, or in studying a foreign language, but don’t let them catch on to that. Always make them think that it is OK to believe without hesitation everything they read in a science textbook written by one of their professors, but it is not OK to believe anything about their eternal destiny written down in the bible by Paul, Moses, or Peter. Make them really think that not only is believing in science more important than believing in HIM, but that salvation is whatever they happen to think it is, because, after all, their 40-something year old mind is so much smarter than the wisdom of the ages, you see. Human pride and wanting to be a god worked well for me with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden and with the Caesars in Rome, and it still works well today, mind you!

53. Impatience

Ahh, impatience. What a great thing that is. Have you noticed how some of the humans pray like choir boys during church, and then try to run each other over in the parking lot afterwards? It’s like they can’t wait to get away from HIM and HIS Church and HIS people. Their thought process is something like “OK, I paid my dues for the week and gave HIM an hour or so on Sunday. Now get out of my way.” And there are still others who live perfectly saintly lives at home with their family, but as soon as they get behind the wheel of their car, it’s Katy bar the gate if anyone dares to get in front of them on the highway at a slow speed they consider inappropriate. They will tailgate and even make obscene gestures at those rude interlopers who took “their” space on the road away from them. Some even curse at them, which we always like. No, in today’s modern world, the humans want everything now, their way, all of the time. Going to Mass and listening to the horrible choir drone on and on with horrible songs that nobody ever heard of before is pure torture for these impatient people, who just want to get it over with so they can get back to the really important things in their life, like TV and the internet. Patience is a virtue that hardly anyone prays to obtain these days. HE told them in Galatians 5:22 that the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, & self-control, so if they ain’t got patience, they certainly don’t have HIS spirit. So keep on egging them on to anger if they don’t get their way, right away. They become just like babies throwing a temper tantrum if they don’t get what they want. HE hates that, but we surely do like it.

54. Mass Confusion

I don’t know if you all remember the old days, before I was let loose from the pit. In those days, the humans used to attend Mass in Latin all of the time, with lots of incense. Incense, as you know, is holy smoke, and it has the effect of chasing us away, like Tobias did to our brother Asmodeus in Tobit 8. Thanks be to me, most Masses today hardly ever use that stuff any more. And the old sanctity of the Mass, where everyone knelt down and prayed before HIM in the tabernacle prior to Mass is no more. Now people chat and visit before Mass starts. It truly sounds more like a theater before the curtain goes up than it does preparation for “these sacred mysteries”. And saying a rosary before Mass anymore? Forget that! We love it that the “mysterium” has been aborted from the “mysterium fidei”. Now, the Mass is more of a celebration of coming together as one, rather than a sacred recreation of HIS death and resurrection on the cross. We have managed to remove the St. Michael prayer from the end of Mass, as well as kneeling to receive HIM on the tongue only. Of course, some parishes still encourage reverence and proper dress during Mass, but most do not. There is a certain familiarity with the people and HIM now, rather than the Moses/HIM scenario, with all of that Holy Ground talk. No, the interior of the consecrated church is now seen as just another kumbaya space where people get together and hold hands during the Our Father. We have been VERY successful at removing the tabernacle from the main areas of the churches, as well as the large crucifixes that used to adorn this once sacred space. Now, the choir is closer to the altar than the tabernacle is! And the once sacred music that used to drive us nuts has now been replaced with music that hardly anyone can sing along with. And when you throw in the rambling sermons of some priests, that fail to tie together the readings in a coherent way, well that is the icing on the cake. But be warned – There is that Father Corapi guy who has put a dent in our attacks. His method of preaching has brought many a soul back from our brink. Don’t let people watch him on EWTN or buy his CDs. The ones that do listen to him have life changing experiences when they are FINALLY taught about what the church teaches. We have kept those teachings secret for all of these years, due to putting our thoughts into priests’ minds that it is more important to be liked than it is to preach The Truth, The Whole Truth, and nothing but The Truth. I’m beginning to actually think that the humans like priests who preach The Truth, rather than milquetoast priests who tell everyone jokes during “sermons”, relate the latest email they received, or who preach politics from the pulpit.

55. Ancillary Distractions

A lot of humans we deal with love to be distracted by totally useless arguments over things in the Bible that they have no control over, that matter not one iota to their salvation. You know, things like how old the earth truly is, whether or not they are justified in the eyes of HIM while their neighbor is not, and when the end of the world will be. They will argue for months on end about these things, and even form new denominations based on their personal beliefs. Some even write books that become million dollar best sellers based on their made up version of events that haven’t even happened yet. This is all so funny, because these people who focus on these things totally miss the truly important stuff in HIS book, things like helping the poor, loving HIM, and loving their neighbor as themselves, as HE commanded them to do. You will find that love is in short supply for anyone who disagrees with them on any topic that they know for sure has happened in a certain way, and only that way. A lot of them now really think that all that is needed is to say that they believe in HIM, and that’s all they need to do to be saved, even though Matthew 7:21-23 says not. So let them argue until doomsday about useless bible trivia. That keeps them from doing HIS will, and allows us to break up HIS church into even smaller groups, so that their power on earth is reduced even further. But don’t let them read about their judgment in Matthew 25:31-46, at all costs.

56. False Religions

And when all else fails, get your human puppets to become entangled with a false religion. In the 19th century, for instance we were very successful at creating a religion that said that there is more than one god, that you can be your own god of your own planet one day if you follow the good works prescription of a “prophet”, etc. There are many such Mormons today who are polytheists. Another favorite of mine is the Jehovah’s Witnesses, who actually teach that HE is really our old nemesis, Michael the archangel. In other words, they claim that HE isn’t divine. Now that is a teaching that I really like. And those Unitarians who don’t believe in anything at all except that there is no Trinity do a lot of great work for us. All they really do is sit around and discuss things, never coming to a conclusion about HIM. Moral relativism at its very best. Your goal in getting them to stumble around in these false religions is to keep them away from Confession, the Eucharist, and HIS Mass. Then, they become easy pickin’s for us!

57. Politics

Politics is one of the best ways to drag our human food down here to hell. We have managed to insert a lot of moral issues into the campaigns lately, like killing babies in the womb, homosexual marriage, government run health care, etc. We incite riots between otherwise sane people who are on different sides of these issues. One side says that the other has no right to project their morality on the masses, at the exact same time that they themselves are doing just that. They can get away with it, of course, because secular humanism is not seen as a religion, while the religious people are accused of inserting their religion into politics, something which has always been done, but is always frowned on by the intelligentsia. Things like murder, rape, stealing, lying under oath, etc., are all forbidden by most religions, as well as by most governments, but no one sees this as a problem. It is so funny to hear allegedly smart people say “You can’t legislate morality” at the same time they support laws against murder or rape. The all-hallowed “separation of church and state” phrase that is nowhere to be found in any original US document has now been enshrined by their court system as a law. What was once meant to keep the state out of the Church’s business, has now been turned on its ear to keep the Church out of the state’s business. All of this has led to uncivil discourse on the airwaves, which we love. Some TV stations are disguising their liberal political commentary as news, at the same time they accuse another TV station of disguising its conservative political commentary as news. The old pot calling the kettle black. And the radio is filled with hosts calling their political enemies names while making fun of how they look and talk. This is all great of course, and none of it is biblical. But most people today lead with their politics, not their faith. In other words, they put a lot more stock in the here and now, rather than the hereafter. Instead of praying for their enemies, like HE said, they now blast them as being evil, mean, and stupid. It is hilarious to watch the moral side talk about the years-long process of amending their constitution to enshrine morality in it. We don’t need no stinkin’ constitutional amendment to enshrine immorality and chaos in the constitution – all we need is one judge in California to say that the prohibition of a newly created immoral right is unconstitutional! And that is indeed an ugly thing to behold, thanks be to me!

58. Temptation

One of the things I really like to do is to tempt humans to sin. We know what their main weaknesses are, after all of these years of observation, and we like to create situations ahead of the temptation that make it all the more delectable when we do present it. This is like the farmer who plows the ground first before planting. If he doesn’t do that, then the seed he plants won’t be able to get into the hard ground to grow to maturity. For instance, we like to stir up fights between a husband and a wife, using her pettiness and his male ego as our nitro and glycerin. After a while, the husband decides that just avoiding conversations with his wife is the best policy. This drives them apart and is analogous to the plowing. Then, out of the blue, when the man is at his weakest, like when he loses his job, when his mother dies, or when his dad insults him, we present a beautiful old girlfriend from the past to him, who he hasn’t even thought about in 30 years. This will normally bring him to his mental, physical, and spiritual knees very fast. He only sees a lifetime of misery ahead with his argumentative wife, while the old girlfriend, who we allow to come on to him, presents a potential future of unlimited sex and happiness to him. So remember the rules here – Plow the ground first, then plant your seed, and then watch him start to water it and make the temptation grow into full blown sin. We always come to them with these when he or she is at a very weak and vulnerable time in their life. It’s a “sure-FIRE” way to get your human to commit a mortal sin that will change his life forever!

59. Testing Faith

One more thing before I sign off…We not only get to inflict pain in their lives because they invite us to do so by their sins, but we also get to test their faith if they are in HIS camp, like we did with our good buddy Job. Job did nothing wrong, but his faith was allowed to be tested by us, because HE allowed it. HE really wants to know if in fact they do love HIM, or if they are just going through the motions and paying HIM lip service. When your human finally makes a commitment to join HIS side, and starts saying the rosary, going to daily mass, helping the poor, etc., we are thus allowed to throw roadblocks in his way to see if he is really sincere in his faith. HE warned them about this situation in the parable of the sower and the seed in Matthew 13, I believe. A lot of them will just quit, because we can make them actually think that it was much better for them before trying to become saintly. Job’s wife even told him to curse HIM and die! Too bad he kept trusting in HIM as his loving father. If they only knew that every time they resist us and choose HIM, they get renewed strength from HIM in the form of grace. And just like a tree’s roots dig deeper looking for water in the midst of a drought, those followers of HIM who look inside themselves for intestinal fortitude to resist us during our time of temptations will find HIS water, or additional grace. Then, when we are done with our temptations, they will grow stronger even faster, just like that tree does when the rain finally comes, because they now have additional capacity (deeper roots) to love HIM that they didn’t have before. They also don’t realize that none of the saints lived a comfortable life. Rather, most of the saints lived austere and hard lives, and a lot were martyred horribly at the end, and all for the sake of being rewarded after they die. Implant in their minds that once they decide to become a REAL Catholic, that things should get easier in their lives, not harder. Make them think that being Catholic means being rewarded on earth, and heavenly rewards are secondary. You know, like those health and wealth preachers do that you see on so many cable channels. Put into their heads that there are things that seem right to do, but, unbeknownst to them, in the end lead to perdition. HE warned them about such things in Proverbs 14:12, but no one ever reads that book anymore, thanks be to Me! It is amusing to see them finally get into HIS game, and then quit on the 5 yard line when the going gets a little tough.

All my hate, satan

© Catholicbible101 2008 – 2011 AD

February 16, 2011 | Categories: A Memo from the devil, Lessons, Satan; Lucifer | Tags: Family (biology), God, Internet pornography, Modern history, Politics of Sexuality, Pornography, Pornography addiction, Screwtape, Sexual addiction, Sexuality | Leave a comment